


When You've Come Undone

by iamladyloki



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark Rey, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Healing, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren Redemption, Mama Rey, Moral Ambiguity, Papa kylo, Redemption, Reylo babies, See notes for warnings, Unplanned Pregnancy, mother hen kylo, reylo family, set after tfa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 04:31:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12999927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamladyloki/pseuds/iamladyloki
Summary: Traitor. That's what her friends must call her now. But really, who is friend and who is foe? Rey is hurtled into a war that she isn't sure which side she is on anymore, toeing the line between Light and Dark. When tragedy befalls her, Rey must decide: will she return to the Light, or allow the Darkness to swallow her up?





	1. Into the Gray

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for the end of this chapter: miscarriage.
> 
> This is my take on a Dark Reylo plot before it gets destroyed by TLJ! Will have all chapters posted before the movie is out on Thursday night.
> 
> Thank you to necromancerluna on tumblr for being an awesome coach while I've been figuring this fic out! You've been an immense help and I can't thank you enough.

The planet looked just as she remembered. Amongst the expanse of trees, lakes, and meadows, there was a Resistance base hidden in plain sight. It would be impossible to find unless someone had insider knowledge. Rey had been there before with Finn and General Leia. With her friends.

“How close are we?” a man asked from behind a mask, the modulator twisting his voice into a monster’s. He used to be intimidating, even frightening, to her. Not anymore. Now she worried for him constantly.

“Close,” she said as they broke through the atmosphere and descended to the east. She felt a little queasy knowing that they would be there so soon. She continued nevertheless, “It’s just beyond that ridge of trees. There is a knoll beneath the largest tree -- that is the least-guarded entrance.”

She gripped the edge of her seat, knuckles turning white with unease. She didn’t want to fight, but she knew it was necessary. More than anything else, she wished for this war to end.

 _So much disquiet in your mind,_ a voice rang out in her head. She avoided looking at the man in the mask. She knew what he wanted her to say. He wanted her to snap and tell him to get out of her head; it was his way of distracting her when she felt worried or upset. This Force bond between them was still foreign to her, even though the connection had been forged a long while ago. _Will you not let me in?_

 _Leave me be,_ she requested, a feeling of exhaustion overwhelming her. To her surprise, he listened to her request and backed away from her mental shield. He knew this was hard for her. Her friends were down there, and she would likely have to fight them. Would they even recognize her? Her hair had grown long and was braided down her back. She wore black clothing to match the man sitting near her. Her friends thought that she was kidnapped, possibly even dead. They would be horrified to learn that she was now on the side of the First Order.

Well. Not entirely. Her only true loyalty was to the man who shared a Force bond with her. As far as she was concerned, the rest of the First Order could be defeated and she wouldn’t bat an eye -- not that they were aware of this. All she knew was that she could not allow any harm to befall Kylo Ren and that she would protect him at whatever cost.

So when the ship landed in a field filled with wildflowers, cloaked by towering evergreen trees, Rey stepped off beside him. Her saberstaff was clutched in her hand, prepared to defend her love -- even from her friends. From the only family she’d ever known.

She only hoped that they knew mercy.

* * *

It hurt Rey to the core when she heard Finn screaming for her. When he spotted her, he began running towards her like his life depended on it. She stood, quivering, afraid to make a move. She didn’t want to hurt him. She knew from the sound of his voice and the look on his face that she already had.

He skidded to a halt when he saw her up close. She could imagine what he saw: his closest friend, cloaked in the dark clothes of the First Order, red double-bladed saberstaff in hand. Traitor. Enemy.

She then felt Kylo’s presence in her mind, reminding her to be steady and to keep herself safe. He was off fighting a Resistance leader -- not his mother or uncle, to her relief.

“Rey?” Finn asked, shock and agony lacing his voice.

She couldn’t stop the tears that welled up in her eyes at the sight of her friend. “Finn, please hide. Please go away. Please.”

His face scrunched up in confusion. “Rey, please. I don’t know what happened to you, but you are better than this. Don’t forget what you are fighting for. Come back to us. _Please_.”

Rey shook her head, clearing away her tears. Her voice was stronger and more steady than she thought it would be when she called out, “I can’t. Now please, _GO!_ ”

Finn shook his head, but then gave her a look of alarm. “REY!” _REY!_ Two voices called in unison -- Finn and Kylo. She twirled her saberstaff and struck the Resistance fighter who was about to shoot her down. Irrationally, as she began to move back towards Kylo, she hoped the fighter wasn’t dead.

Finn continued to call for her.

She didn’t allow herself to look back.

* * *

Despite their best efforts, the Resistance won the day. Rey knew they needed her to report what happened, but couldn’t bring herself to do so. She was too exhausted. Instead, she made her way to her and Kylo’s shared rooms. She opened the shield of her mind enough to show Kylo her perspective of the battle so that he could report for her. She could sense the worry on his side of the bond, and she tried reassuring him that she was just drained from the fight.

She didn’t remember falling asleep, but the next thing she knew, Kylo was joining her under the covers of their bed. She shivered at the sudden contact with cold air. “How’d it go?” she whispered, and rolled to face him.

He allowed her past his mental shield to access his perspective of what happened. She brushed her knuckles against his cheek and softly said, “That bad?”

Kylo gave a brief, wry smile and then kissed her. She sighed into the kiss, deepening it and hooking a leg over his. She lived for moments like this, where the barriers of their minds were lowered and they couldn’t stop touching each other.

The first time they were intimate - the first time Rey was intimate with anyone, actually - she couldn’t help the fit of giggles that overtook her. Kylo had been absolutely baffled and became very defensive, which had made Rey laugh even more. When her laughing had subsided, she’d reassured him by commenting, “I’m sorry. It’s just...I’ve never...you know. And my first time will be with Kylo Ren. It’s just...ludicrous. I never would have believed this was going to happen.” He still hadn’t found it to be funny, but he didn’t let it stop him from ravishing her all night long, until they both fell into coma-like sleep from exhaustion.

It was strange how easy it was to laugh with him now, not that they did it that often. War was like that.

Kylo moved to unbutton her top, but Rey placed a hand on his. He understood through their bond that she was too exhausted, both physically and mentally, for any sexual intimacy that night. He nodded, and gently took her into his arms. _I’m glad you’re okay,_ he said wordlessly.

Rey smiled gently and mentally replied, _Me? You made me a nervous wreck. I was waiting for one of those officers to be someone I cared about, and then I’d have to watch one of you die._

 _Maybe you should stop caring about them,_ he thought half-heartedly. He knew her well enough to know that she could never do that. She also knew him well enough (possibly even more than he knew himself at the moment) to acknowledge that he was plagued by his action in murdering his father, and that he could not - _would_ not - kill his mother.

She cut off her train of thought before she slipped up and let Kylo be made aware of where her mind was. That was not a conversation she wanted to deal with right now. _Let’s go to sleep_ , was all she said, and they relaxed, limbs tangled, each thankful that the other made it through another battle unharmed. His warmth surrounded her and soothed her until she drifted off into a sound sleep.

* * *

Rey woke before Kylo, despite being the more exhausted of the two. That, or Kylo just hid his exhaustion well. She decided to forego breakfast; she was still feeling off-kilter and decided that training with the Force was a good way to make herself feel better.

She wondered what Luke thought of her now. He’d outright refused to train her after he discovered the extent of her power, even comparing her to Kylo. Did he believe that he was the one to push her to the Dark Side? Or did he believe that this was the inevitable end for Rey? Both left Rey feeling unhappy. Luke’s cold welcome had stung, but she also understood it, at least in retrospect. What had happened with Kylo and the Knights of Ren had scarred the last Jedi. And yet, Rey also understood why it was time for the Jedi to end. She did not believe that there should only be one side or the other - both the Light _and_ the Dark were reliant upon the existence of the other. It was why she could never be happy with the First Order or the Resistance. She wanted to find the balance between the two. She needed to forge her own path.

After completing twenty-five minutes of physical practice with the Force, Rey settled down to meditate on it. She’d gotten much better at this aspect of the Force since her fight with Kylo on Starkiller Base. Sometimes Kylo still rolled his eyes when she practiced this Jedi form of training. Yet there was merit to it. She could spread a net of awareness over wide expanses, so when something happened to disturb the Force, she could sense it like a spider sensed an insect landing in its web.

There was a disturbance in the Force now. No, not a disturbance - but something _was_ different. Something was new. Rey didn’t know why, or even how, but the Force had somehow shifted within her. She could sense that it had expanded, but she didn’t understand the extent of it.

Before she could ponder more about it, she blinked into awareness. Kylo was standing over her, giving her his most irritating smirk. “Done with your Jedi training?” he asked. He extended a hand to help her up.

She thought about refusing his help on principle, but in the end, tiredness won out. She gripped his hand and he hauled her to her feet.

Despite still being tired, Rey agreed to some one-on-one combat training with Kylo. He always kept her on her toes, and she knew that if she could get better at defeating him, then she could defeat nearly anyone. Training sessions with each other were not daily due to their different missions and schedules, but they tried to make them happen a few times a week. The first few training sessions had been somewhat hate-filled (at least on her part) and desperate. After a few weeks with the First Order, something inside Rey seemed to snap. During one training session, Kylo had packed a powerful punch that made Rey’s nose bleed heavily. Despite this, she had grinned up at him with a dark glint in her eye and spat blood. The next thing she had known, they were all over each other, hands in hair and mouths kissing messily.

From the look on his face, she had sent some of these images across the Force bond.

Now something glinted in _his_ eye, and she knew she was in trouble.

* * *

He was vicious this morning and it delighted her. Nothing made her more annoyed than when he was being easy on her. She could take it, it only made her stronger. They were currently fighting with two training staffs. While she had more practice wielding one, he had strength and stamina on his side. She threw the staff up to block his next attack and the next thing she knew, she was on her rear, blinking away black spots from her vision.

Kylo had stilled above her. “Rey?” he asked, giving her a moment. _What happened?_ His voice echoed in her mind.

“S’nothing,” she said, shaking her head as if that would clear her vision. She rubbed at her eyes while things started to come back into focus. “I didn’t eat breakfast, is all.” Rey looked up in time to see Kylo kneeling by her side, complete concern on his face. She moved to stand back up. “Really, I-” She cut off mid-sentence when black spots returned to her vision, causing her to tumble back down, her head feeling like lead. In truth, she’d gone without plenty of meals before, but had never felt like this.

Kylo scooped her in his arms before she could even think to protest. “We’re heading to see a medical droid,” he said in a tone that left no room for argument. She didn’t.

* * *

“The dizziness is a result of your high progesterone level,” the droid informed them after doing a full work-up per Kylo’s order. “It caused you to have a low blood pressure due to weakened vein walls.”

Rey barely understood half of that. “Progesterone? Is it harmful? Do I need treatment?”

“The level of progesterone is within normal range at this stage of pregnancy,” the droid stated. “No treatment is necessary, just rest.”

Rey blinked, unable to process or accept the droid’s words. After a moment of silence, Rey laughed indignantly and said,  “I can’t be pregnant!” Kylo was frozen beside her, looking like someone had pulled the rug out from under him. Then she recalled the shift in the Force that she had felt earlier that morning, and understanding clicked into place. “Oh. Oh, kriff.”

“Were you not monitoring your cycles?” he asked, shock coating his every word.

Rey felt her cheeks flush. “I’ve never had regular cycles.” Growing up close to starvation and always being under physical duress had apparently resulted in late and sporadic cycles. Even to this day, she had not had a regular cycle pattern. Not that Rey was complaining, but it certainly made it difficult to keep track of things now.

“Were you not taking precautions?” Kylo asked stiffly.

Rey narrowed her eyes at him, angered by his tone. He was staring at the droid with a bit of a manic expression. “Of course I have been, but why is this only on me?” she griped, annoyed at his hypocrisy.

Kylo shook his head, glanced at Rey out of the corner of his eye, and said, “It’s not.” Then he stormed out of the room.

Her jaw dropped at his audacity. How _dare_ he leave her after they found out they were going to have a child! She tried to reach him over their bond, but was met with an adamant wall. Of course he was locking her out.

“May I go? Is my examination done?” Rey asked through gritted teeth. The droid confirmed that she was in good health and was allowed to leave. Her dizziness had subsided, so she found herself storming to their quarters. She wasn’t surprised that Kylo was not there. She locked the door, using the Force to keep Kylo out as well. If he came back anytime soon, she didn’t want to see him. How dare he….

* * *

Hours later, she was lying down on their bed facing the wall when Kylo tried getting into their quarters. Rather than humiliating himself and yelling at her to let him in, he tried reaching her through their bond. After a moment of consideration, she let him in. She wanted to let him know just how his abandonment made her feel. _You left me after we found out we were having a child. You tried blaming me. You wouldn’t let me talk to you. You didn’t even check to make sure my dizziness had passed. You made me feel like I would have to face this alone. You abandoned me._

She knew she was being slightly dramatic; he had only been gone for a few hours, after all, and he was allowed a moment to react, too. Still, her feelings of abandonment ran deep, and for the first time in months, he had made her feel alone, terrified, and resentful.

“I’m sorry, Rey,” Kylo called through their door. This surprised her; he normally would not risk humiliation. Not when she was allowing their bond to remain open and he could apologize in private. He never apologized to anyone but her (and Snoke, when the occasion called for it), and even that tended to be during private moments. He continued, “I am sorry. I didn’t handle the news well. Please, Rey. Let me in. We need to talk about this.”

She waited another minute before releasing her Force hold on the door. She heard the door open and close, and then his footsteps slowly approaching their bed. He paused before he reached her. “Rey, I’m sorry. I never intended to make you feel that way. I...well, I panicked.”

“You think?” Rey asked, voice muffled by her pillow.

“Can I sit down?” he asked. He really sounded sorry. She peered over her shoulder at him before sitting up. She gave a jerk of a nod, and he slowly sat down. He seemed to hesitate for a moment before asking, “How are you feeling?” The murderous look she gave him made him add, “No. Not about my poor reaction to the news. How are you feeling? Any more dizziness?”

“No,” Rey snapped, bringing her knees to her chest. At least she knew why she’d been feeling constantly exhausted, and why she had the occasional bout of feeling sick to her stomach. She’d never known what pregnancy was like until she met a First Order officer’s wife, who was nearly eight months along when they met. They had a long discussion about it; Rey’s curiosity had been piqued. Jakku hadn’t exactly been a planet conducive to family upbringing, and she’d done her best to avoid the small population of villages.

“And how do you feel about it?” he asked, still seeming a bit hesitant due to her reaction to him.

“I don’t know,” Rey said honestly. She still sounded cold, even to her own ears. “I never considered having children.”

He stood, seemingly unable to keep still. “Do you want to...keep it? There are things that can be done-”

“I don’t know,” she admitted, cutting him off. “It’s not like I know how to be a mother. And we’re at war, so it’s not exactly like the timing is right.” She looked up in time to catch Kylo’s face falling as he turned away from her. “What about you? How do you feel about this?” she asked.

He ran a hand through his hair. “Like you said, this is not a good time to start a family.” Her heart skipped a beat. The way he said it...she knew they loved each other, they were Force bonded after all, but knowing that he even considered them starting a family in the future….

He stopped his slow pacing and turned to look at her. “I shouldn’t be the one to make this decision, Rey. If you wish to terminate it, then do so.”

Rey bit at her lower lip. “And if I don’t?” she asked quietly.

His gaze snapped up to meet hers. She extended her hand, suddenly needing to touch him. He walked over to her, taking her hand in his and pulling her closer to the edge of the bed. She rested her cheek against his chest, squeezing his hand.

His voice rumbled, “Then we’ll figure this out.”

* * *

“You will not be able to join us in battle,” Kylo said, though he didn’t seem too distraught about this. She knew it wasn’t because he didn’t think she could handle herself. In fact, he used to find thrills when they fought battles together, side-by-side, their Force bond guiding them and bringing out each other’s strengths. It was Kylo’s concern for their unborn child that was influencing his thoughts.

“You are NOT leaving me behind,” Rey snapped. “I am perfectly capable of helping with reconnaissance and other off-world tasks. Let me stay behind in the ship.”

Kylo shook his head. “No. We can’t risk that, Rey. The Resistance could attack the main ship, and you know that you are a primary target if spotted. You’re safest here or at another base.”

“I’m safest with _you_ ,” Rey countered.

He placed one hand on her cheek and the other on her belly, which, at 22 weeks, was finally showing enough for it to be noticeable through most clothing. “I know, but this is not something I am willing to risk. I’m sorry Rey, but I’m not changing my mind.”

Annoyed beyond words, Rey brushed his hand aside and stormed off. Kylo had been treating her far too delicately since they found out she was pregnant, and it made her very angry. She was more than a vessel carrying their child. She was perfectly capable of keeping the two of them safe, especially if Kylo was nearby. The idea of being left somewhere while Kylo was off-world didn’t sit well with her.

It was difficult enough to keep Snoke’s hands off of her. That was another thing that Kylo was firm about, but Rey was in agreement: Snoke was too big of a risk for their baby. Both of them agreed that they did not want their child exposed to him; Rey knew that Snoke was using Kylo for his own means, and she suspected that Kylo knew this, too. That was one part of his mind that Kylo kept silent to her. Rey could probably break down that door if she wanted to, but she’d long ago decided not to take that much advantage of their bond.

She spent the next two hours in the training room, taking her frustration out on a dummies and nervous other First Order members. She was in the middle of practicing her punches when she felt an odd sensation in her belly. It wasn’t like the usual fluttering or occasionally strong kicks. Her eyes widened when she realized what it was. Temporarily forgetting her anger at Kylo, she ran towards his Force signature.

He was in a strategy room, discussing different plans of attack with other First Order officers. He looked up the moment she stepped through the door, looking slightly worried. Through the bond, she said, _The baby has hiccups!_

It was such a small, silly thing. If she’d said it out loud, she probably would have felt embarrassed for interrupting an important strategy meeting for such a small development. She couldn’t contain her joy, so she had to share it with the only other person who would appreciate it as much as she did.

Kylo’s eyes filled with amusement and happiness, the rest of his face not betraying his emotions. Like she did when the baby started kicking, she opened up her bond so that he could feel the sensations through her perspective. After a moment his voice echoed in her head, _Come here and help us strategize. We’re at a bit of a loss, and I know you will come up with something brilliant._

And so she temporarily set aside her anger at Kylo for wanting to leave her behind on an important mission, and helped them devise a plan that was sure to result in a major victory for the First Order.

* * *

A few days later she was watching Kylo depart the landing pad aboard his ship. Him leaving without her made Rey’s heart ache. She was still upset with Kylo for not approving her to travel on the main ship, but she was also glad that she wouldn’t be a hindrance for anyone; she was suffering through some mildly painful practice contractions, her lower back ached, and she was in an all-around bad mood. Her mind wouldn’t have been very sharp or focused on the task at hand.

The base seemed empty with so many people gone to battle. Not wanting to be seen moping around, Rey exited the landing pad, deciding that some fresh air would do her good. She stopped by her quarters to grab her saberstaff, figuring that practicing her saber forms couldn’t hurt, either.

She had been on the surface for only a half an hour before she felt a disturbance in the Force. Someone was here. The Resistance was _here._ She grabbed her comlink, warning her fellow officers about their presence. The base went on lockdown, Rey hurrying to get inside before the fighting started. She was thankful that she’d grabbed her saber.

Rey was just inside the corridor when she sensed them: a small unit of Resistance fighters. They moved to surround her, but she had her saberstaff ignited in an instant, quickly striking down the two nearest her with disabling but non-lethal blows. She still couldn’t bring herself to harm them more than was necessary.

“Hey! Captain, is that her?” one of the fighters asked. His tone made her nervous.

A moment’s pause and the captain, who had been scanning her, confirmed, “Yes, we’ve just had video confirmation. Grab the target and let’s go.”

Rey bared her teeth and snarled, “Don’t you come near me. Don’t touch me. I am not coming with you.” She would not go without a fight. Her place was not with the Resistance -- could not be, not anymore. _Especially_ not now.

“You don’t have a choice,” said a voice from behind her, and they struck her in the back with the butt of their blaster. She pitched forward, falling to the floor hard. Her saber blinked off and she lost her grip on it. She opened her hand to call it back with the Force, but another fighter struck her side with their boot before it made it to her hand. She recoiled, instinctively trying to protect her belly from them. Rey glanced up and realized in horror that the person that had snuck up behind her was someone she recognized from the base.

A spy.

She called up the Dark side of the Force, using it to choke the fighter who was reaching to grab her.

“Subdue her, we need to move,” the Resistance captain snapped. One fighter kicked her again, forcing her to release her chokehold on the other fighter.

The traitor said, “Wait -- she’s pregnant. Shouldn’t we be more careful with her? The General wants her alive.”

“It’s that monster’s offspring, isn’t it? So who cares?” the captain said, curling his lip.

His comment made her see red. She called her saber back, but before she could ignite it, the fighter she had been choking struck her with an electric baton. The electric currents tore through her, causing her muscles to lock up. It felt like fire in her veins. Everything went momentarily black, but she came to moments later. Black still danced across her vision, and she tasted blood. She had bitten her lip. Before Rey could gather herself and assess how hurt she was, they yanked her up and began to drag her with them.

 _Ben_ , she called out through the bond, not even conscious of the fact that she called him by his given name. _Please help me._ She was fighting to remain conscious, so there was not a chance she could use the Force to command them to let her go. She wasn’t even sure her cries for help were being transmitted along their bond.

It then occurred to her that Kylo was off-planet; he could not help her, at least not immediately. For now, she was on her own.

* * *

Rey was panicking. After rejoining a main Resistance ship, she was placed in a cell. Though the electric currents had long since stopped affecting her, she could feel her abdomen contracting, and it wasn’t the same feeling as the practice contractions she’d had before. This felt even more uncomfortable, more real. She kept screaming through the bond, desperate for Kylo to help her. She was terrified that the Resistance fighters had triggered a premature labor.

She sank to the floor, closing her eyes and connecting to her child’s Force signature. To her horror, the signal was weak. It was beginning to fade.

Like a prayer answered, suddenly Kylo filled her head. _Rey! Rey, what happened? Rey, we’re coming._

She was too panicked to properly reply, so she let him access her emotions and awareness of what was going on. She stood, hurrying to the door despite the contraction gripping her. “Please!” she cried to the guard standing beside her door. “I need a medic!”

After a minute of desperate pleading, the guard contacted a higher up. He turned to her and said, “Sorry, but we have not been cleared to allow a medic to assess you. It will have to wait until we reach the base.”

“My baby is dying!” she screamed desperately. “Please, save my baby!”

The guard looked alarmed; at least he was more sympathetic to her than the captain had been. He continued talking to his superiors, so she backed off to sit down for a moment. She zeroed in on her baby’s life force, demanding that it stay strong. Her head was a mantra of, _Stay put, baby. Stay with me, baby. Don’t leave me, baby._

She was so focused on grasping at her baby’s life force that she didn’t immediately notice Kylo trying to get her attention over the bond. “Kylo,” she sobbed, both across the bond and aloud.

_They tricked us, Rey. We suspect that some of our own were Resistance spies feeding us information so that they could capture you. We’re preparing to board the ship now. Hang on, Rey. I’m coming._

She blinked through tears, forcing herself to her feet. She would tell him about the spy she identified later. The guard appeared in front of her door, clearing his throat. “Ma’am, the General has boarded the ship and will be overseeing your care. You’ll receive medical care once we arrive at the base.”

Leia was here? Rey sent Kylo a warning, and she could feel his automatic recoiling at the news. Despite everything, Rey knew that he would not be able to kill his mother. Not when he had so many opportunities to do so already.

A sudden sensation had Rey panicking even further, yanking down her pants to find blood. “No, no, no, no, no!” Rey cried. _Ben!_ She cried his given name again without thinking. _I’m bleeding. I’m losing the baby, Kylo. This can’t be happening._

Rey labored through several more contractions, fighting with every ounce of her will to keep ahold of the baby’s life force. She was in the middle of a stronger contraction when she heard the distinct hiss and hum of Kylo’s lightsaber. She heard the guard outside her cell cry out in pain and then the door was opening, Kylo striding in and shutting off his saber. His expression held a mixture of fear, anger, and worry. Rey found herself reaching for him, and he immediately leaned down to lift her into his arms. Kylo strode out into the hallway, and Rey noticed the guard crumpled on the ground, dead. Kylo tensed around her, and Rey immediately discovered why. Leia was standing at the end of the hallway, frozen in place.

“Ben,” Leia called out, her voice shaking.

Without saying a world, Kylo strode in the opposite direction, heading to where the ship was docked. Rey peeked into his mind and found that he was forcing himself to ignore Leia. He couldn’t think about his mother now; he had to focus on Rey and his child. He tightened his hold on Rey in a gesture of comfort. He was here for her now, come what may.

* * *

The First Order medics were scurrying around her, doing their best to save the baby. It was too late to perform an emergency surgery on her, as the baby was too far along. Rey labored on, repeatedly crying to everyone, “Make it stop, make it stop, _make it stop!_ No, no, no, no, no!” Her breathing became erratic when she realized just how weak the Force link to her baby was. “He’s fading. He’s fading. His life force is fading!” She tried to reach her child through the Force, tried commanding them to hold on, that they could still save them. The Force signature was so weak….

With the fading of the Force connection to her child, so too did the Light within Rey. She was fast approaching a gaping maw of darkness, and she knew that she would gladly sink within it.

Her baby was birthed stillborn on the quiet First Order base. As soon as the baby was out, Rey desperately begged the medics, “Is my baby alive? Is he alive?” They shook their heads solemnly, barely able to make eye contact with her. There was nothing they could do. It was too late.

“NO!” Rey screamed. Kylo stood beside her, and Rey saw tears gathering in his eyes. A medic began to leave with her baby. He was wrapped tightly in a blanket, keeping him from view. She didn’t know how she knew, but her child had been a boy. “Stop!” she commanded them, trying to get up. Kylo gripped her tightly, not allowing her up. “Stop! LET ME SEE HIM!”

They tried to talk her out of it, but eventually the blanket was gently placed in Rey’s waiting arms. With shaking hands, she carefully unwrapped the blanket, a sob slipping through when she saw her tiny son. He was so small that she could hold him with one hand. She allowed herself to take him in for five minutes. She rocked him back and forth, memorizing every hair, every finger and toe. Then she wrapped him back up and allowed a medic to take him away.

Rey was slipping down into the Darkness and she didn’t try to stop.

* * *

He couldn’t save them.

His son was gone. He’d had a son. And now Rey was inconsolable, sinking into the Dark without a second thought. She’d always had Light within her. Sometimes it had been so bright across the bond that it had reminded Kylo of the feeling he’d had when he was young and at peace with his family. She was his family now, and he had failed her. He had failed them.

There was cruel irony in the fact that forcing Rey to stay behind at a secret base to keep her safe from battle resulted in Rey being in the most danger. Rey had been right. He should have listened to her. While Rey was being cleaned up and her health assessed by medics, Kylo allowed himself a moment of weakness. One moment, and then he needed to be strong again for Rey.

Her cries of anguish could be heard echoing throughout the base for the rest of the day. They were inescapable. Every First Order member present did their best to ignore it and continue their commands, but Rey’s pain seemed to resonate with everyone. None but Kylo dared near her. Her anguish was his anguish, and it took everything he had to remain strong for both Rey and the troops that were currently out fighting the Resistance with renewed vigor. Those who had been living on the base with Rey now had a personal vested interest in taking down the enemy, beyond whatever feelings they’d had before.

When all of his immediate responsibilities were performed, Kylo was back at Rey’s side. She’d been moved back to their quarters an hour before, and was now curled up on their bed. The medics had done everything they could for her -- only time could heal her now. He took her in his arms, allowing her to mourn in safety and comfort.

"It was a boy, Kylo. He was our little boy," Rey keened.  
  
"I know," he said, and he did his best to lend her his strength. Her agony pushed its way into his consciousness across the bond, overwhelming his already agonized emotions. For Rey, he would forego his own sorrow. For Rey, he would stay strong. All he could do was allow her to curl up against him, rubbing her back and arms with gentle, soothing motions. It was the least he could do. He'd failed her and his unborn child. He would not fail Rey now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For my mom, who lost too many children in the womb. For Joshua, the big brother who was taken too soon.
> 
> Hoo boy, the Resistance has it coming for them now...
> 
> Chapter title from the song 'Simple Rules (For Life In Hiding)' by Weaver at the Loom.
> 
> Find me on tumblr at forcebondedreylo.


	2. When Darkness Falls

****Rey woke up the following day to find her breasts painful and leaking milk. It was her body’s reminder that she ought to be feeding an infant. Her weeping returned in full force, causing Kylo to rush for a medic to see what could be done. He returned with a medic that did what little they could. This was just something her body would do until it realized there was no baby to feed. Equally as traumatic was the mottled bruising that they noticed on her still-showing belly -- evidence of the Resistance’s heartlessness. This too was something that only time would heal.

Rey screamed herself hoarse in her anger and misery. Kylo did his best to comfort her, but the loss of the child they hadn’t even had a chance to name left Rey feeling disconnected from everything and everyone, even the person she was inextricably linked to.

She allowed herself to grieve for the rest of the day. When she woke up the next morning, her breasts still sore and leaking milk, Rey channeled her heartbreak into an emotion that she could tolerate: anger. Anger at the spies who had betrayed her. Anger at the Resistance captain who hadn’t cared for the safety of her innocent, unborn child. Anger at the Resistance for not trying to save her baby.

Rey didn’t mention it to him, but she could tell that Kylo was relieved about her change in emotions. She couldn’t imagine how he had felt being exposed to the raw agony from her side of the bond in addition to his own pain from the loss. Sorrow would not do, but anger could fuel them. Anger was useful -- it could be wielded.

While Rey’s body healed, she finally accepted all of Kylo’s teachings about using the Dark side of the Force. It felt freeing to latch onto the anger that was coursing through her veins and send it outward. Rey waited until the right time to broach the subject, but after a few weeks of training and healing, she finally informed Kylo, “I would like to join the Knights of Ren.”

Rey thought that he would say no. She thought that he would argue that she shouldn’t get any more tangled up with Snoke than she already was. But that would have been his answer before the Resistance killed their child. Instead, his eyes lit up and a dark smile graced his face. She returned it.

* * *

 In the beginning, Rey didn’t understand how Kylo could kill his own father. Han had been someone she considered a friend, maybe even a father-figure. Then she and Kylo fought, Kylo nearly killed her dearest friend, and he’d had the audacity to offer to _teach_ her how to use the Force? Anger had consumed her -- the Dark side of the Force had nearly led her to putting the lightsaber through Kylo’s torso. Then the planet had split apart, dividing them before she could make that decision. Rey liked to think that the Force had prevented her from making the worst decision of her life.

Feeling lost and confused, she’d set off on the mission Leia had given her. She’d hoped that Luke Skywalker would help her understand her place in the galaxy, but he had been a letdown. After initially rejecting her, Chewie, R2D2, and Rey had finally wore him down. If he wouldn’t join the Resistance, he could at least prepare Rey for the inevitable fight that was to come. But the training had only lasted a few short days. While reaching out with the Force under Luke’s tutelage, Rey found herself connecting with Kylo across the stars. Some kind of invisible string seemed to be connecting them, and it terrified Luke. The power Rey displayed while meditating had Luke scurrying away, swearing off any more lessons with the Force; Rey was already too powerful, and she would be easily swayed by the Dark side, just like his nephew. Rey had woken one morning to find Luke, Chewie, R2D2, and the Falcon gone. They had left her behind. She was always left behind.

Kylo had found her days later. He’d noticed their connection, too, and used it to guide him to Ahch-To. Seeing him again in person seemed to have made the bond snap into place permanently. Rushes of emotions that did not originate from within Rey had made her panic; whatever this connection was with Kylo, it was powerful. From the way he had looked at her with wide eyes and parted lips, he was feeling the same way.

Leaving Ahch-To behind with Kylo had been an easy choice. What she’d realized about the bond had shocked her. It gave her insight into Kylo’s mind and it was not the dark, horrible place Rey had expected. Instead she’d found acceptance from him -- an acknowledgement that Kylo had gone through the exact same turmoil and fear that Rey had been going through then. The bond had shown her that she was not alone, and neither was he. Not anymore.

They would never be alone again.

* * *

If her friends thought they could bring Rey back to the Resistance before, they didn’t think so now. The Knights of Ren descended upon battlefield after battlefield, wiping out the Resistance with the wrath of angry gods. Any compassion Rey had felt for Resistance fighters blinked out the moment her baby’s heart stopped beating. Rey quickly picked up a reputation as one of the most ruthless members of the Knights, wielding saberstaff and the Dark side of the Force like fitted gloves.

She’d never felt so _alive_. It brought her closer to Kylo than she’d ever been before, even with their bond. United in their betrayal and hatred for the Resistance, they became a formidable duo. Where one’s weakness began, the other’s strength picked it up. They were synchronized, moving in perfect harmony and swooping to the other’s aid.

The successful campaign across the galaxy led to Rey meeting with Snoke faster than she’d anticipated; she and Kylo had only just returned from a battle when they were summoned. The towering hologram was intimidating, but she did not allow herself to show, or even feel, such an emotion as fear. Not in front of the Supreme Leader, even in his holographic form, where he was unable to do her any immediate harm.

“You are doing very well,” Snoke informed them. He fixed his gaze on Rey and said, “Especially you. Your skills are impressive. Very impressive. The master of the Knights of Ren told me of your abilities. I am pleased that he has not disappointed me.”

“Thank you, Supreme Leader,” Rey said in a steady, clear voice. “Kylo Ren has been an excellent teacher, no doubt because of your great training. I should like to someday learn from you as well.”

“We shall see,” Snoke said, nodding his head slowly and leaning back in his throne. “Until then, continue your current strategy. The Resistance are on their last legs, and soon they will have no choice but to reveal Skywalker. Then...then we will end the Jedi Order.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Kylo agreed. “We will find Luke Skywalker. We will not stop until the last Jedi is destroyed.”

“Good,” Snoke said slowly, before his hologram dimmed and vanished.

They returned to their quarters several minutes later. They both removed their helmets and sighed in relief, the cool air kissing their skin for the first time in hours. Rey felt grimy from the dirt, sweat, and blood coating her skin and clothing. She unhurriedly began to remove her many layers, relieved at the prospect of a shower. She turned to face Kylo when the last of her uniform was in a pile on the floor. He was stripped down to his undershirt and trousers when he noticed her state of undress.

“You coming?” she asked, quirking a brow. The look of hunger in his eyes made her shiver.

The shower water cooled long before they were finished.

* * *

It was still dark when Kylo awoke quite suddenly. He didn’t know what had drawn him out of sleep at first. Rey was curled against his side, looking utterly breathtaking even in the dim light. She looked peaceful, and Kylo couldn’t help but feel relief at that. They hadn’t had a night like _that_ since before the loss of their son. He watched her sleep another moment before quietly getting out of bed, making sure to tuck the blanket around her naked torso. He padded across the room to his closet to put on a clean pair of sleeping pants, trying to determine what had woken him.

“Ben.”

Kylo whipped around on instinct, as though he was still a teenager and he was readying himself to get a scolding from his mother. Because that was what woke him: his mother was reaching him through the Force. It was her voice calling him, her presence filling up the room. No doubt it was a skill his uncle had taught her, as she had never tried this with him before.

 _General_ , he replied.

 _Don’t you use that tone with me,_ she snapped. _I need you to listen._

Against his better judgement, he didn’t interrupt her or try to close the mental link.

_You need to stop this before it is too late, Ben. I know we failed you and Rey. I do not blame you for your hatred. It is understandable. We failed your baby. I failed my grandchild._

He could hear the quiver in her voice. Fresh anger simmered beneath his skin at the reminder of his loss.

Leia continued, _I will not fail you and Rey again. Please, come back to me. It’s not too late. Not yet. Help us defeat Snoke. He’s just using you-_

At that, Kylo finally closed his mind to Leia. He’d heard enough. He wouldn’t let the General compromise his relationship with the Supreme Leader. If the Supreme Leader heard that he’d communicated with his own mother, he might lose some of his trust. The Supreme Leader might even test him like he had with Han Solo. He could not risk that. Not that.

Rey was still fast asleep on the bed, but Kylo’s mind was racing too much for him to try to go back to sleep. He changed into training clothes and left to go take his frustration out on a few subordinates.

* * *

The Supremacy was a mass of cheering and almost-celebration when Rey and Kylo strode proudly down the hallways towards Snoke’s throne room, a pair of dark wraiths returned from the most victorious battle in the First Order’s history.

This day would be marked in the pages of history, for this was the day that the Resistance was obliterated, the remaining few officers and fighters surrendering and going into hiding.

Entering Snoke’s throne room had Rey’s heart picking up speed. His praetorian guards blended into the crimson of the walls, still as statues. And Snoke was...not quite as she’d imagined, yet everything she’d imagined. He was smaller, for one, though still quite larger than her or Kylo. He was adorned in gold, from robe to slippers. He motioned for them to keep approaching.

The stopped at the base of his throne, both dropping into a bow.

“You may rise, my Knights,” Snoke said in his gruff, drawling voice. When they stood and met his gaze, he looked quite pleased. “You have accomplished more than I ever could have hoped for,” he said.

“Thanks to the grace of your training,” said Kylo, voice full of respect. Rey agreed with him.

Snoke lifted a hand as though to brush away the compliment. “The fight is not over yet, but you have struck the disabling blow. It will not take much to destroy the last Jedi now, and then we will rule the galaxy. We would not have accomplished this without the pair of you.”

They both lowered their heads in respect and thanked him. Again, Snoke waved off their thanks.

“I must admit, I did play a part in organizing this win. I received a Force vision when your bond cemented. I saw you bringing a child into the world, and then losing the child before it could be born. I foresaw this victory months ago, when the anger from this loss freed you from your restraints and you wrought your revenge across the battlefield,” Snoke said.

Rey could feel herself shaking. She wanted to know what Kylo was feeling, but they’d closed off the bond before boarding the Supremacy in concern of Snoke’s possible manipulation of their love for each other. Her jaw was clenched with the effort of not lashing out and her fingernails would have been cutting into her palm if she hadn’t been wearing gloves. Reining in her emotions took no small amount of effort; she wasn’t about to make a move without thinking things through. Snoke was likely goading them with this information, Rey reminded herself, trying to calm her racing, broken heart.

She glanced up at Kylo and saw his face frozen in a blank stare. “You didn’t try to stop us?” Kylo asked in a calm voice that hid daggers.

Snoke agreed and said, “Indeed. I had to warn General Hux not to interfere with the Resistance spies that had been on our base.”

“Why?” Rey asked, suddenly not caring that her voice sounded weak, that she felt weak. She could feel tears glistening in her eyes.

“To win a war, sacrifices must be made,” Snoke said simply, spreading his open hands in a placating gesture. “It was necessary for you two to realize your full potential.”

Rey’s vision went red, and not from the crimson of the room. She and Kylo opened their connections simultaneously, silently agreeing that this could not stand. There was no justice for the loss of their child when the person who puppeteered their lives was still sitting on the throne. They didn’t know how they were going to do it, but they knew that the only solution to everything was ending Snoke’s life, here and now.

“My students,” Snoke admonished, and Rey knew then that he’d heard their plans through the Force. He made a motion and suddenly they were being surrounded by half a dozen praetorian guards, each brandishing a wicked looking weapon. They had to do this quickly, before Snoke called for reinforcements.

Like on the battlefield, Rey and Kylo went back-to-back, ready to defend the other. Rey’s saberstaff was in her hands and ignited faster than the guard closest to her could realized, for she’d sliced his head clean off with one smooth movement. From the hum, hiss, and thump behind her, she knew Kylo had been equally as successful in surprising a guard.

The next two guards were more difficult for Rey to dispatch. One had a nasty blunt weapon that packed a punch, and he managed to strike her in the gut and face. Kylo was at her aid in an instant, slicing the guard’s weapon in half with his saber before returning to the guards he was taking on. Within a few minutes, she’d sliced through the two guards with her dual blades.

Snoke was on his feet and hobbling towards them. At his full height, he towered over Rey, and Rey found herself pressing against Kylo. She could not take on Snoke alone. Neither of them could. His Force abilities were more powerful than any other Force-user she’d known, and he was digging in her head in such a painful way that she momentarily forgot why she was fighting him, only knowing that she wanted to stop hurting. Then Kylo’s presence was overwhelming her senses, shoving out Snoke’s intrusive claws.

It occurred to her then. They could not take him on alone, but combined….

Kylo had the same thought, nodding at her and taking her non-dominant hand in his. Physical contact wasn’t necessary, but it certainly made Rey feel more confident. She could feel their Force powers twining together, amplifying to a level she’d never felt before. They both reached out with their dominant hands and roared at Snoke, freezing him in place. They could feel the tendrils of his power working away at their restraints, and knew that they only had a few moments to end this before they were overpowered.

Rey wasn’t sure she had the strength to both keep ahold of Snoke and wield her saber. With a passing thought, Kylo let Rey use some of his Force abilities while he brandished his saber. “For my son. For Rey. For _me_ ,” he snarled, and drove the blade into Snoke’s chest. His movements were vicious and unforgiving. Snoke slackened in her Force grip and she let him crumple to the floor. With one final, savage movement, Snoke was decapitated.

The silence rang in her ears. Was this really it? Was it really over?

Kylo looked up and met her gaze. “It’s over,” he reassured her.

Rey clipped her saber to her belt and bent over to rest her hands on her knees. All she felt was a sense of surrealness, like this was all a dream. They’d arrived not even a half an hour ago to boast about their successful campaign to end the Resistance. Now they’d ended the leader of the First Order. Now they’d finally wrought justice for their son.

Now Rey felt empty and aimless, and she realized that she had no plans. She had no idea what she would do now.

“It’s simple,” Kylo reassured her, his voice taking on a tone she wasn’t entirely sure she liked. “Now we rule the First Order. Now we rule the galaxy.”

Rey stood upright and shook her head, looking at Kylo in disbelief. “I never signed up for that. No, Kylo.”

“Come on, Rey,” Kylo said, speaking to her as if she was too thick to understand his reasoning. “We defeated the most powerful Force-user in the galaxy. Now we can take his place. We can rule together. We can make a just and fair galaxy, where allowing an unborn baby to die is unacceptable.”

She shook her head again. This wasn’t right. “Kylo, this has to stop. We have to stop. We have to turn ourselves in and help bring the First Order down. The Resistance is gone, we’ve already won. But the rebuilding Republic can finish off what we started. Please, Kylo,” Rey implored. She felt her lip wobble. She rested her forehead in her palm and added weakly, “I’m tired, Kylo. I’m tired of fighting. I’m so tired….”

He approached her and gently touched Rey’s busted lip. She looked up at him and he gave a single nod, before he brought her against his chest and rested his cheek against the top of her head. “Okay,” he said slowly. “Okay. We’re finished fighting, at least for now.”

She knew he wasn’t going to give this up forever, at least not yet, but she was thankful that he was willing to relinquish his desire to rule the galaxy for the time being. That was all she could ask of him. She relaxed in his arms, allowing him to comfort her for a few more moments. She gently squeezed his torso to let him know that she was there for him, too.

* * *

Kylo contacted Leia through their own Force connection. It was much weaker than their Force bond, but it was enough -- Leia gave them the coordinates to a neutral area where they could surrender. It took only half a day’s travel to reach the location; Leia, Poe, Finn, Luke, and a few Republic officials and officers were waiting when they landed. They left their sabers on the ship (at Rey’s behest, since she didn’t want Kylo to be tempted to slaughter Skywalker where he stood, no matter how badly he treated them) and slowly walked to meet them.

“Hi,” Rey said quietly, struggling to meet their gaze. Sudden shame swelled within her gut. She wasn’t sure if she’d have been able to kill her friends if she’d met them in battle before they surrendered. If she had, she knew she would never have forgiven herself, not after they defeated Snoke. Killing them would not have brought justice for their baby. Her rage had fizzled out on the Supremacy, leaving behind a sense of hollowness.

She met Leia’s gaze and found understanding and heartbreak in them. “Hello, Rey,” she said, not unkindly. “I’m glad you reached out. What has finally convinced you to surrender, after already defeating the Resistance? Why now?”

“Supreme Leader Snoke is dead,” Kylo said, finally deigning to speak. “We killed him. Have you not yet heard this news?” Rey was surprised, too; surely such important news would have reached them by now? Her best guess was that Hux was trying to keep this under wraps for as long as possible while they reorganized and figured out what to do.

Everyone looked shocked, exchanging glances with wide eyes. “Why?” asked a woman with bright pink hair that Rey had never seen before. She seemed too pretty to be an officer. “Why would you kill your leader?”

“He knew we would lose our baby. He let it happen so that he could wield our powers to defeat the Resistance. He was a puppetmaster, but now we are free. Until you arrest us, that is,” Kylo added. He sounded hollow, too. Rey took his hand in hers, squeezing it to let him know that they were doing the right thing. She reassured him across the bond that this was what was best for them.

“There will be a trial,” said a Republic official. They did not look at them with any sense of kindness or understanding. “Until then you will be held in a high security facility.”

“We understand,” Rey said, gaze dropping to the ground. She offered her wrists. “We surrender.”

* * *

Rey gazed up at an overcast sky, sighing deeply. She was on her back in a field of foreign, soft vegetation. Drops of precipitation landed on her face, but she didn’t mind it. For the first time in a long while, she felt at peace.

They had been sentenced to five years on an isolated planet in the Unknown Regions that Rey had never heard of. It was a quiet, wild place, brimming with natural beauty beneath the initial hostile appearance. For Rey, it was love at first sight. She could see herself never wanting to leave a place like this, if she was being honest. However, after the five year sentence was up, they were to follow up with another five years in the service of the Republic. They were lucky to have General Leia Organa on their side, and the support of a few friends she’d thought she’d lost forever. And with any luck, the intel they'd provided the Republic would be enough to dismantle the First Order for good.

Kylo found her a few minutes later, moving to block her view of the sky. He smirked down at her and asked, “Having fun, are we?”

“I was before your face interrupted my view,” she said, unable to stop a grin.

She shrieked as Kylo moved to pluck her off the ground into his arms. She dodged his grip just in time, running as fast as she could back towards the small makeshift cottage they currently called home. She could hear his laugh and his heavy footsteps as he ran after her.

Kylo wasn’t at peace, per se, but he was certainly healing. No longer did he have Snoke’s voice in the back of his head; no longer did he have any responsibilities other than their sentence and Rey. She knew he still struggled with the decision not to take over the First Order, but Rey didn’t doubt for a second that he would only get better from here. They both were healing on the moors of an uninhabited planet, finally allowing some Light back in to balance out the Dark. It was here that Rey knew she could finally accept and move on from the loss of their baby. It was here that they could finally be free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song 'Take it All' by Ruelle.


	3. A Chorus of Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some mildly graphic descriptions of childbirth below, so if that squicks you out, here's a warning. It shouldn't be too bad, though. Just in case, I made the first word AFTER the birth (Rey) bold, that way you can scroll past that section.
> 
> Again, this chapter was unbeta'd, so please forgive any errors!

****“I told you to stay on the ship!” Kylo roared, blocking blaster bolts with each twirl of his saber while Rey ran as fast as she could ahead of him. This was supposed to have been a simple mission - he couldn’t help but curse the General for putting them in a situation where their lives were at risk. Not this late, when Rey couldn’t move as quickly or nimbly as she used to.

“Yeah, well, you forgot your bloody comlink!” Rey snarled.

Their ship was ahead of them, ramp down and nearly ready for takeoff. Rey had had the foresight to prep it for a quick takeoff if things went wrong. Which they had. Very, very wrong.

Rey hauled herself up the ramp, hand hovering on the button to close the ramp behind them while Kylo dispatched a couple of close pursuers using a blaster. “Close it!” Kylo yelled. “I’m right behind you.”

After only a moment’s hesitation, Rey slammed her fist on the button. Kylo launched himself onto the ramp, hurrying past her towards the cockpit once the immediate danger was over. Without pausing to argue, he took the pilot’s seat, leaving the co-pilot’s chair for Rey. They often made it a point to bicker over who the better pilot was, and who should get to be the pilot this trip or that trip, even when they were in danger. It had become a fond inside joke between the two of them, never serious, and in fact helped them focus during dangerous situations. Which was why Kylo was surprised to find not a single word of protestation out of Rey’s mouth as she sat down in the co-pilot seat and buckled up.

While he worked quickly to get them off the ground, Rey only pushing a button or flicking a switch occasionally, he reached across the Force bond to gently brush against her mental shield, wanting to know what was wrong. She simply shook her head without elaborating. They’d worked with each other to make strong mental shields for a reason -- while the bond was wonderful during romantic moments and lifesaving in a fight, having each other waltz into each other’s minds whenever they pleased was not good or healthy.

Once they exited the atmosphere and entered space, Kylo knew that one hurdle was over, but that danger could still spring up on them. He turned a concerned glance towards Rey while he plotted his strategy, and found her grimacing slightly, breathing deeply. He felt a sudden panic that she’d been hurt and he didn’t know about it, but that didn’t seem right. She definitely would have let him know through the bond if that was the case. He set back to his task of getting them out of this system and across the galaxy to safety. And then to home.

“I think we’re safe,” Rey commented, eyeing some of the scanners. “Nobody seems to be pursuing us. I’m going to run to the fresher before we make any jumps, okay?” Rey requested, unbuckling herself and heaving herself out of the chair. She brushed her fingers along his cheek as she went, a familiar gesture of comfort that made him feel slightly more at ease.

He plotted their course, working on multiple different routes to the same destination while ruling certain ones faster than others. After Rey had been gone for almost ten minutes and she wouldn’t respond to his prods across the bond to let him know what was happening, Kylo decided that enough was enough. He had a suspicion, and he needed to find out if he was correct. Choosing a course, he set the ship on autopilot and went in search of Rey.

The ship was fairly quiet, so he could hear her practicing the deep breathing techniques he’d become so familiar with, followed by a low moan of pain. There, squatting by the fresher doorway, was Rey, her forehead resting against the wall. He walked up to her and simply asked, “It’s started?”

Rey stood, placing on hand on her protruding belly, swaying gently back and forth. “Yes. It started earlier in the day, but now they are coming every three minutes or so. I’m sorry I’ve been locking you out, but I knew you would lose sight of the mission otherwise.” She placed her hands on her hips and moaned again. “It happened so quickly...it’s progressing a lot faster this time.”

Kylo fought to keep his expression neutral. Panic would do neither of them any good. If he was able to remain focused during battle, he could remain focused for this. “Okay. Why don’t we go ahead and prep things, just in case we don’t make it home in time. Does that sound alright?” He asked, gently squeezing her arm in reassurance.

A rush seemed to have passed and Rey nodded. “I’ll go grab some supplies. Why don’t you check the system for any videos or tutorials or...anything that could help. I’ll grab my datapad, I loaded some guides Leia recommended a few months ago. I think we’re both a little in the dark here,” Rey admitted, allowing a small amount of nerves to show.

Kylo nodded. Before they went to move in separate directions, he gently pushed the hair out of Rey’s eyes. “It’s going to be okay, Rey. Don’t worry. We will get through this. It’s not totally new territory, we’re just on our own this time around.”

Rey bit her lip and nodded, and then headed towards the sleeping quarters.

* * *

 

She didn’t quite make it to the crew’s quarters. Another rush of contractions had her leaning forward against the wall of the ship, trying to focus her breathing, but mostly just moaning in pain. Rey hated this. Hated it, but reminded herself that it would be over soon -- and if things kept progressing as fast as it had so far, she would be holding her baby in no time.

Once the contraction subsided, she made it to the crew quarters. She located her datapad beneath a jacket in her duffle. She pulled up one of the guides on childbirth, but found it to be a bit lackluster. She read through a several more while she weathered a few more contractions. None of them answered every question, but she managed to glean a few useful tips from them. Things to help ease through contractions (other than breathing techniques), what positions were best for different baby positions, and what to do immediately following birth. She paused in the middle of reading about the latter when another contraction hit, this one feeling slightly different. A downward pressure that made her realize that, yes, things were definitely happening quickly. She moaned her way through the contraction, and she knew that Kylo could easily hear her from the cockpit. She continued to moan deeply and then tapered off into a yell of, “KYLO!” She suspected she shouted that across the bond, too.

His footsteps indicated that he was jogging to her. He hurried around the corner, and she could see the panic he had fought so hard to hide from her on his face. Before he could say anything she said, “Help me up.” He did, practically lifting her up off the ground. In anticipation of the next contraction, she quickly told him to help her get her top, trousers, and undergarments off, leaving only a nursing garment on.

She leaned against him through the next one, moaning into his chest. Once it passed, they moved into the central area, where Kylo dropped the bag of supplies they had brought along _just in case_. He quickly unpacked it, setting aside some sterile throwaway bedding that she could use during the actual birth. She was actually rather astounded by the amount of things they had managed to fit in there.

“Don’t worry about using any energy to block me out,” Kylo warned her. “You need to focus on yourself, not what I’m exposed to over the bond.”

She opened up the bond slightly during her next contraction. Rey would have laughed at his expression if it weren’t for the crippling pain in her abdomen. He listened through the bond for her every need, bringing her water or supporting her a certain way while she worked through contractions.

She felt the first urge to push with the next contraction. “I need to push,” she warned Kylo, panting slightly. With Kylo’s help, she lowered herself to the ground onto her knees. It was most comfortable that way the last time, so it was worth trying it now. She did her best to listen to her body. It knew what to do, even if she wasn’t confident in her skills.

* * *

Rey was so beautiful.

Even while birthing their child, with her hair slicked back with sweat, her cheeks flushed from the effort of pushing, the occasional tired smile appearing on her lips between contractions, she was the most exquisite thing he had ever seen. He could not imagine the strength it took to power through this while travelling in a ship in a foreign system. He was scared enough, but he wasn’t the one birthing a new human without the assistance of a medic or midwife.

Rey cried out during a particularly strong push, her hands gripping his arms like a vice, and panted, “I think they’re coming. I think I felt my waters finally break.” She reached down and laughed even through a painful cry. “I can feel the top of their head!”

Another rush of contractions later and the head was out. A big push after that and Kylo was cradling his newborn in his hands, immediately placing them on Rey’s chest. And that was that, it was over in a flash.

* * *

 **Rey** sank down onto her rear, giving her exhausted body a moment to rest while she took in her infant. She grabbed the bulb syringe from the supplies and tried removing some of the fluid from the baby’s nose and mouth. After a few seconds of this, the baby cried out, squirming in discomfort. “Glad to know your lungs work,” was the first thing she said, laughing from the sheer joy of holding her baby in her arms.

“What is it?” Kylo asked, and Rey felt bad for temporarily forgetting about Kylo altogether. Her world had shrunk down to only her and her baby.

She rearranged them and took a peek before grinning at Kylo and saying, “It’s as we guessed. You have a son. We have a son.” And then she promptly burst into tears. They were tears of both joy and sorrow; joy for finally having a son of her own, and sorrow for the fact that she would have had a nearly six-year-old boy if his life hadn’t been cut so short. Kylo must have sensed where her mind went over the bond, because he thumbed the tears away from her face and gently reminded her that everything was okay now.

She managed to calm herself long enough to deliver the afterbirth. “You need to massage my abdomen, remember?” she reminded him. “Just to make sure all of the afterbirth is out. Just press down hard, even if I cry out, because if anything is left behind I could get blood poisoning.”

The prospect of Kylo’s large hands pushing down on her painful, tender belly frankly made Rey want to vomit, but she held strong until it was over, focusing on her son in her arms. Then she looked at the cord still attached to their son’s belly, and followed it down to where it was still connected to the placenta.

“We need to cut or burn the cord somehow,” Rey finally said, wrapping the tiny infant in a sterile blanket and adjusting him on her chest.

“We can burn it with my saber,” he suggested, immediately followed by Rey’s indignant squawk of, “NO, Kylo!” She smacked his arm, and he broke into a grin and laughed.

“We have a clean scalpel in the kit here,” he reassured her with a chuckle. He took a cursory glance through the datapad for a section on cutting the cord, and then did as it advised. Before she knew it, Rey was brought into the crew quarters by a gentle Kylo. He made sure to put down plenty of sanitary bedding beneath her for any bleeding, and then proceeded to clean her up and settle a blanket over her waist.

The snuffling and whining of her son refocused Rey’s attention on the matter at hand. This little guy had to be hungry, and she hoped that he would have no trouble feeding. Kylo helpfully placed a pillow in her lap to support her arms, and she guided him to a breast. In the end, Rey didn’t need to worry about it. The boy was hungry and he latched on immediately.

The amount of love for this small person overflowed within Rey, and more tears slipped down her cheeks. “Oh, Kylo,” she said, unable to tear her gaze away from her son. “He’s so perfect.”

Kylo perched on the edge of the cot, peering at his son over her shoulder. “He is, isn’t he?” He said, and the tenderness in his voice made her heart swell. They both watched him nurse for a good length of time, before he finally appeared to finish.

They burped him, diapered him, dressed him, and finally settled down to relax and simply take him in.

“He’s got your nose,” Rey smiled, teary-eyed.

Kylo huffed a laugh and said, “Sorry, kid,” while gently rubbing his son’s head.

Rey gave Kylo a hard look and said, “Stop that, I love that nose!”

“You do, do you?” He asked, and kissed her.

She giggled, turning back to their son. She could see the both of them in his features. Kylo’s hair. Her chin. His ears. Her eye shape. Only time would tell what other features he had inherited, including eye color. He was perfect, and he was worth the whole gamut of emotions she had felt over the duration of the unexpected pregnancy.

* * *

After a time, Rey fell asleep, and Kylo gently picked up his sleeping son from her lax arms. When Rey stirred slightly, Kylo told her that he was going to take the boy with him to the cockpit for a few minutes. She merely nodded and settled back down.

The stars were streaking by them in a chorus of light as they hurtled through hyperspace. They were making good time, and Kylo expected that they would arrive within the next hour or so. He settled down in the pilot’s seat, taking in his son. He was so small that Kylo could practically hold him with one hand.

“I need to have a talk with you,” Kylo said gently. “I have made so many mistakes in my life. I have done a number of unforgivable atrocities that still wake me up from sleep every night. That doesn’t stop me from trying to do better. You might have been unplanned, but you definitely weren’t a mistake. I hope you never think that, not like I did.” He rocked him gently, running his fingers through the fine, dark hair on the top of his son’s head. He continued, “Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. We all make them. But it’s also possible to make amends. So don’t be afraid to stumble, my son. I will always be there to catch you. I will always be there to help you stand back up.” _Like my father tried to do for me in the end._

Kylo couldn’t help the tears that leaked from his eyes. He didn’t try to stop them or wipe them away. He’d committed so many acts of horror, but the one he would never stop mourning was driving his saber through his father. Even in the end, when Han knew his life was in his son’s hands, when Han _knew_ he could be killed, he still tried to bring him home. He still tried to lift him back up out of the pit he had stumbled into. Han hadn’t been weak, he had been _right_ , and Kylo realized this far too late. While Han had been anything but father of the year, what Kylo had done was unforgivable. He would be amending his mistakes for the rest of his life, and rightly so. When Kylo first held his own child in his arms, he truly understood Han’s determination in his final moments. He would do anything to help his children.

He would do anything for his family, even if it meant humiliating himself in front of the entire galaxy. Fatherhood humbled even Kylo Ren.

He turned his gaze in the direction of Rey. _She makes me humble, too,_ he thought. So many years of intense, yawning loneliness, and now he had at least three people to keep that feeling at bay.

The infant began to stir in his arms, giving a wide yawn, and he knew it was time for another feeding. “No rest for the weary?” He chuckled, making his way back to the crew’s quarters.

* * *

They arrived at the base in the middle of the night, but the General was still awake. She had been restlessly waiting for news their ship’s landing ever since Kylo had sent a message letting her know of the new arrival, so that they could have medics ready to look over Rey and the baby.

Rey felt exhausted and very sore when they arrived. While Kylo reported to the General, she was moved to a quiet medical ward. Several medics were waiting to examine the two of them. After running through a list of questions about the birth and the infant, a pair of gentle women approached her and asked if they could perform a health examination on the baby. After a moment’s hesitation, Rey nodded and handed him over. While they weighed him, listened to his heartbeat, cared for the remains of the umbilical cord, and performed a few other tests, Rey was given an examination to make sure her own body was healing up well.

They were both declared healthy, and her son was returned to her chest. He was becoming fussy, so Rey pulled her top aside to allow him to latch. A medic stepped up to her to ask if she needed any assistance. After reassuring them that she was fairly confident but letting them check to make sure all was well, Rey was left to rest.

It was nearly an hour later when the General stepped in. Her hair was still in a bun, a few loose strands being the only evidence that she was anything but calm. She slowly approached Rey’s bedside, gaze drawn to the bundle in her arms.

“May I see my grandson?” she requested in a hushed voice.

Rey smiled, pulling back the blanket so that General Leia could see her newest family member. Her sharp intake of breath had Rey glancing back up to Leia’s face. Leia’s expression held mixed emotions. Joy at seeing her first grandson. Sorrow for the loss of her husband, who could not see his newest grandchild, and for the loss of her first grandson, who she’d never gotten to meet. Delight at the joy a new baby brought to the base. Relief that her son finally felt some semblance of peace.

Noting the tears glistening in Leia’s eyes, Rey tentatively asked, “Would you like to hold him?”

“May I?” Leia replied. Rey gently transferred her sleeping son to his grandmother’s arms.

Sleep overtook Rey shortly after. She awoke suddenly without knowing what woke her. She felt like she was in an exhausted haze. Glancing around in search of her son, Rey momentarily panicked when she realized he wasn’t in her arms or in the infant cot beside the bed. Then she heard her two favorite voices murmuring to her left, driving all fear away.

Rey turned her head to the left and found Kylo sitting in a low, relatively comfortable-looking chair. Their daughter, Aloy, was sitting in his lap, carefully holding her little brother with the help of Kylo. Kylo was gently reminding Aloy to support his head, and Aloy listened to his instructions intently. “He’s so cute!” said Aloy in her sweet, four-year-old voice, and started ooo-ing and aww-ing over her younger sibling.

The grin that spread across Rey’s face was enough to make her cheeks ache. After so many years of loneliness and lacking personal connections, now she had the deepest, strongest relationships imaginable. Rey cleared her throat to get the attention of her family. “Hello, love,” Rey said sleepily to Aloy. She had missed her girl so much.

“Mama!” Aloy gasped. Kylo gently lifted the newborn into his arms, allowing Aloy to streak across the room and jump into Rey’s bed.

“How have you been, little love?” Rey asked, brushing a hair back from her face. “Did you have a good time with Grandma Leia?”

“Yeah, but I missed you,” Aloy said, and snuggled into Rey’s side. Rey adjusted the blanket so that Aloy was covered as well and then curled an arm around her, pulling her against her side tightly. Snuggles with Aloy were the absolute best. Even better were those rare, early morning snuggles with both Aloy and Kylo, which had once been a daily occurrence.

Rey hated leaving her behind with Leia, even if she knew she was being well cared for. The longest she had ever been away from her daughter was a week, and even that had been excruciating. Until Aloy was a few months past two, they’d spent nearly every waking moment together. Aloy had been an unplanned addition to Rey and Kylo’s life in isolation, about a year and a half into their sentencing. Rey had recognized the signs and had a test done during the next routine medical checkup. After they’d confirmed that she was indeed pregnant, the fear that she would lose another baby nearly crippled Rey. There was nothing to suggest she would lose this one, but Leia still ordered a medic specializing in midwifery to be stationed with them. They could oversee any complications, and if any emergency occurred, life-saving equipment and backup assistance would be nearby. Leia wouldn’t fail her family again.

She still couldn’t believe how big Aloy was. She still remembered the elation she’d felt when she successfully birthed a healthy daughter after a blissfully normal pregnancy. She often found herself missing her chubby baby arms and her sweet baby belly laugh. But now she would get to have that experience again, this time with her son.

Aloy looked over at her baby brother and asked, “What’s his name?”

Rey and Kylo hadn’t really had a chance to discuss it yet, but a name came to mind that she hoped he would approve of. She met Kylo’s eyes and said, “Well, Papa and I hadn’t really discussed it yet, but I was thinking we could name him Ben.”

She could feel his shock across their open bond. She bit her lip, waiting to hear his response.

 _Yes_ , he told her, apparently unable to say it aloud. He was still processing.

“I like that!” Aloy said approvingly. They could explain the meaning behind the name when she grew to be a bit older; she didn’t know that Kylo’s name had once been Ben.

Kylo stood and brought Ben to Rey. She gently took him in her arms, working around Aloy, and kissed his head. “Hello my lovely Ben,” Rey cooed to the still-sleeping infant. An overwhelming amount of love filled her heart and soul. “Our new hope.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone who plays Horizon Zero Dawn will recognize the name Aloy, lol. I figured I'd go the route of an original name for the kid rather than naming her after a dead character. The name Ben came to me right before I hit publish - originally I was just going to leave him nameless because I couldn't choose a name that would be fitting.
> 
> This fic didn't QUITE go as I'd planned, but I'm mostly pleased with it. I wanted to get my initial story published before I saw the Last Jedi and it crushed my plot to smithereens! :P
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at forcebondedreylo.


	4. Found a Rainbow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey's time spent healing while on the isolated planet, and welcoming their daughter to their little family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, inspiration struck and I decided to write this bonus chapter....and it turned out to be almost as long as the other three chapters combined! Phew! I hope you enjoy it.

****Sometimes the world felt small to Rey. She felt as though she was larger-than-life, like her every decision impacted the entirety of the galaxy. It increased her heart rate, made her stomach churn, and caused her to feel as though her entire being was fighting the need to flee. Then she paused. Took in her surroundings. The wide, open space surrounding her served as a reminder that yes, while her decisions _could_ impact the whole of the galaxy, she was also only one person, Force abilities or no. Watching low-hanging clouds drift across the moors in the early morning, or seeing the collage of stars spattered across the night sky, reminded Rey that the galaxy was bigger than she ever could be.

Rey found herself feeling short of breath as she finished hiking up the steep slopes from the valley lake shore. Smoke billowed from the cottage across the field, signaling that Kylo was back from his solitary journey. He’d been gone for nearly two days, crossing the mountain to another valley in search of new supplies from an abandoned outpost.

Sounds of animal snorting and grunting had Rey stopping by the barn on the way home, pausing to greet the two fathier mares that they had tamed. One of the mares lowered her head so that Rey could give her a good scratch behind the ear. It had taken Rey a bit to warm up to the creatures, but now she was as fond of them as any other friend. They had captured both animals from one of the feral herds roaming the area, likely left behind by previous settlers.

Giving them a farewell pat, she then hurried back to the cottage, eager to see Kylo after so much time apart. They’d been practicing putting up walls between their Force bond, understanding that space was often good, especially in regards to privacy. They’d used their time apart as an opportunity to practice, even if it meant no contact for a while. They both would know if the other was in trouble.

Rey only had one foot in the door when Kylo swept her off her feet. She giggled, taking his face in both hands and planting a big kiss on his lips. Days-old stubble scratched against her face, and she pulled back so that she could caress her hands along his jawline. His warm, dark eyes met hers. “Hi,” Rey said breathlessly.

“Hi,” he replied, his voice rumbling in his chest. “Miss me?”

She leaned in to nuzzle his neck and replied, “You know it. But you know what I did not miss? Two-day-old stink. You need to bathe before you get in our bed.” Rey laughed, bracing herself for Kylo’s reaction. He set her down on the ground and sniffed his clothes. The face he made seemed to say, _Okay, fair point._

“I need to shave, too,” he said, moving his hand over his stubble.

Rey bit her lip and said, “Are you sure? I like the stubble.”

He quirked a brow. “You do, do you?” he asked, leaning down to kiss her again. Oh, how she missed him. She opened her mind to him enough that he could feel the complex array of emotions coursing through her, and he did the same in turn. Oh, he’d missed her alright. He thought of her while camping out under the stars, wondering if she was thinking of him like he was thinking of her, but not wanting to interrupt their mental privacy for something that wasn’t an emergency.

“Bath?” Rey asked, panting the word against his lips. The next thing she knew they were in the bathhouse, naked and unable to stop touching each other. They were in the hot spring water for all of twenty seconds before Rey had her legs wrapped around his hips, begging him for more, more, _more_ until they both bonelessly drifted in the water, sated. After washing up, they made the chilly hike back to their warm cottage, where they curled up under the blankets against one another and told each other about their time apart.

They’d been on the isolated planet for nearly a year and a half. When they first arrived, a large shipment of basic supplies were dropped off, presumably so that they could build a life in what the Republic considered an inhospitable place. Rey found the planet to be anything but. _Jakku_ was inhospitable, with its lack of access to good food, water, or shelter, and there always being a looming threat over one’s shoulder. When she paused to sense her surroundings using the Force, she found that this planet was brimming with non-humanoid life. There was, however, the skeleton of the cottage they now called home, along with a barn and a half-built fathier paddock, like someone had tried settling here and then gave up halfway through construction.

Rey and Kylo had used the supplies to fill the cottage in and insulate it, making it a cozy and comfortable place for them to live out their five years in isolation. Next followed the development of the bathhouse -- the natural hot springs dotted the area, so Rey and Kylo had built an outbuilding surrounding a large one near their cottage. Then came finishing up the barn and paddock fencing when they decided that capturing and taming two fathiers would be beneficial. They were setting up a proper place to live, even beginning the process of local agriculture in the valley so that they could be more self-reliant.

They had everything they needed here and were finally healing from their trauma. They had the time and space to grieve and reflect in peace, which Rey suspected was the primary purpose of banishment from Leia’s perspective. Kylo still struggled more than Rey with everything he gave up when he turned himself in, but Rey also knew he didn’t regret it. Destroying the Resistance had been a hollow victory. What truly mattered was that they were together and they were recovering. Still, it was hard for Kylo to reconcile the Light and the Dark within himself, especially when he had convinced himself that it was too late for him to reject the Dark side after all that he’d done. He was slowly realizing that this was untrue. It could take the entirety of their isolation for him to accept this, or even the rest of his life, but Rey was unwilling to allow him to suffer through this alone. She would remain by his side through thick and thin, until he realized that it was never too late for redemption.

“Your mind is racing,” Kylo said quietly, and he tenderly brushed some hair from Rey’s eyes. He caressed her face with his knuckles. She could sense him skimming the surface of her open mind, only gathering emotions and not specific thoughts. “What are you thinking about?”

“I’m just thinking about how thankful I am to be here with you,” Rey said honestly. “That we’re together.”

Kylo dipped his chin in a nod and replied, “Always.”

* * *

Several weeks later, Kylo was gone again to gather supplies from an outpost that was nearly a two days’ ride from the back of a fathier. He’d already been gone for two days, so he would likely start the journey back home the following morning. It was rather late in the morning, but Rey was too tired and ill-feeling to get up and do chores. She allowed herself to doze until the largest sun was nearly overhead. She finally dragged herself out of bed when her bladder was screaming at her to be relieved.

Not feeling up for the hike down to the lake to catch fish, and deciding that fish sounded absolutely dreadful to eat anyways, Rey settled for gathering berries along the hillside shadowing their cottage. Rey found that she loved identifying the local plant and animal life on the planet, and had taken to entering profiles of unidentified species into datapads for her own knowledge.

She cooked the sweet-tart berries into a pot of porridge, part of the rations the Republic supplied them with monthly. The rations themselves were mediocre at best (though Rey never complained about a full belly), but adding fresh foods from the surrounding area was enough to make them more than tolerable.

Still, Rey found that the food tasted like ash in her mouth. She managed to down about half of a bowl before she was running outside, retching onto the ground. “What is wrong with me?” she muttered to herself. She sat down against the cottage, trying to calm her raging stomach. Settling into a meditative trance, Rey connected with the Force, trying to see if she could sense anything. At first there was nothing, but then -- a spark. A Force signature. Small and new, but definitely there.

Rey left the trance and immediately vomited again, this time from panic. No. _No_. She couldn’t allow herself to panic just yet. Perhaps she was wrong. Perhaps….

A medical droid was scheduled to arrive in six days for a bi-annual health check-up. She would have them confirm it then. She couldn’t panic. She _couldn’t_. Not while Kylo was away, otherwise she would completely fall apart. She took a few deep, steadying breaths and then headed to the barn, where the other fathier was still cooped up.

“Sorry girl,” Rey said when she entered the barn. The fathier mare was pacing in the large stall, ready to be let out to graze and roam the pasture. She entered the stall and hugged the large nose that the mare pressed into her side. The warmth and love from the animal was Rey’s undoing. She burst into tears, stroking the cheek of the mare and explaining in a sobbing voice why she was crying. She knew the animal didn’t understand her, but it made her feel better nonetheless.

When she finally calmed herself down, she walked over to massive stall door leading to the pasture and unlatched it. It swung open, lightly rebounding off the fence outside before settling. “Go on,” Rey said, still wiping tears and snot from her face. The fathier seemed to hesitate, as though she didn’t want to leave Rey while she was this upset. Maybe the creature understood more than Rey thought was possible. “Go on, I’ll be okay.” The mare loped out of the barn, eager to finally stretch her legs.

Despite being utterly exhausted and still slightly nauseous, Rey set to work mucking the stall. It wasn’t fair to the mare to have to sleep in a dirty stall just because the person who captured her felt ill. The work helped ease Rey’s mind, distracting her enough that she could almost forget about what was wrong.

Later that evening, after eating a small meal of meat and bread rations, Rey looked around the empty, dark cottage and wished more than anything that Kylo was home. She didn’t want to spend the night alone when she was feeling like this, but she also didn’t want to worry Kylo by opening up the bond to communicate with him. It wasn’t an emergency -- she could wait until morning for him. An idea suddenly came to her mind; she grabbed her pillow, a couple of their spare blankets from a wardrobe, and then put out the fire in the fireplace before heading outside.

“Do you mind?” Rey asked the fathier mare when she entered the barn, as though the animal would reply. The mare was curled up in the clean bedding, looking at Rey with curiosity. Rey entered the stall and put down a blanket and her pillow in one of the corners, and then curled up beneath the other blanket. “Thank you,” she told the animal, but she didn’t feel foolish talking to her. Instead she felt comforted. At least she wasn’t alone. Rey fell asleep to the sound of shuffling hay and quiet fathier snorts.

* * *

Two days later, she awoke with a jerk at the sound of desperate yelling from outside of the barn. “REY! _REY!_ ” Kriff, she should have written a note in case Kylo arrived before she woke up. When he hadn’t arrived the night before like she expected, she’d opened the bond enough to ask where he was -- he’d been delayed leaving, so he wouldn’t be back until late the following morning. Sleeping in the barn had been the only way to keep any nighttime panic at bay, so Rey slept there once again. Apparently she had slept in longer than she intended to if Kylo was already home. She moved to get up but realized that she was surrounded by a large animal -- the mare had curled up beside her and had her chin resting on Rey’s other side. No wonder she’d felt so warm and comfortable.

 _I’m in the barn,_ Rey told Kylo across the bond.

Kylo came sliding into the barn, panic still written over his face. It shifted to pure relief when he spotted Rey struggling to untangle herself out of the fathier’s limbs.

“What were you doing sleeping in here?” he asked, equal parts upset and relieved in tone. “I think my heart stopped when I saw that there was no smoke rising from the cottage.”

“I’m sorry,” Rey said honestly. She exited the stall and was enveloped in a hug. “I didn’t want to be alone, and I didn’t want to worry you needlessly over the bond.”

“Worry me?” he asked in a perplexed tone. She pulled away from him and looked into his puzzled gaze. “What’s wrong, Rey?”

“About that….” Rey said, and promptly retched.

* * *

Kylo found her down by the lake. After the health check-up was completed and Rey received confirmation by the medical droid that she was approximately six weeks pregnant, she had walked right out the door of their cottage and didn’t stop until her toes reached the water’s edge. She’d been down here ever since, her mind replaying every horrific, heart-wrenching moment of the premature birth and death of her son. She couldn’t go through that again. She _couldn’t_. She wouldn’t be able to bear it. She couldn’t _do_ this--

“Yes you can, Rey,” Kylo’s soft voice said from a few feet away. Rey snapped her gaze up to meet his. He looked paler than usual, but also determined. “We aren’t at war anymore,” he gently reminded her. He slowly approached her, as though trying not to startle a wild animal. Taking her small hand in his, he laced their fingers together and rested them against her still-flat belly. “I’ve sent word to the General. We’re not going to do this alone. We’re going to make sure everything goes okay. Okay?”

A tear escaped Rey’s eye before she could stop it. She wanted to believe him.

He leaned his forehead against hers and repeated firmly, “Okay?”

“Okay,” Rey breathed, because she knew if she tried to speak her throat would only tighten more and she would be lost to sobs.

“That’s my girl,” he replied, nuzzling his nose against hers. “We’re in this together. I won’t let anything happen. I promise.”

Rey wanted to ask how he could promise such a thing. Those were empty words. He could not protect their child any more than Rey could. Even _less_ than Rey could. If she miscarried, if she couldn’t carry the baby to term, that was on _her_ end. She wasn’t convinced that she could survive another loss like their son’s.

They remained by the water’s edge until Rey found the strength to return to the cottage.

* * *

Kylo was terrified. Not to be a father -- though he did have some trepidation on that front, too -- but rather for Rey. She was unraveling at the seams ever since the droid confirmed what they already knew. The moment Rey had told him of her suspicion, he had reached out through the Force and found the spark of a Force signature that she had spoken of.

His first reaction had been one of true joy. Then everything caught up with him and he realized what this would mean for Rey. They were still healing from the trauma of the loss of their first baby, and now Rey would have to face another pregnancy. Why hadn’t he been more careful?

After returning with Rey from the lake, he had made them some dinner and they’d curled up in front of the fireplace. They both had fallen asleep at some point, and Kylo woke at the sound of Rey’s sniffling. Blinking awake, he saw her sitting forward with her elbows on her knees, wiping at the tears streaming down her face.

“Hey,” Kylo said in a voice rough with disuse. He leaned forward, wrapping an arm around her gently shaking shoulders. “I’ve got you. I’ve got both of you.”

After a while, he was able to convince Rey to try to sleep in their bed. He held her until she finally slipped into sleep. He was on the cusp of sleep himself when his mother pinged in, requesting to communicate. He carefully extracted himself and tucked Rey in before hurrying outside to speak with the General.

“What do you two need?” Leia asked without hesitation. There was never small talk when his mother was involved.

Kylo paused and considered. What they really needed was someone experienced in midwifery to live with them until after the baby was born -- otherwise Rey would never have peace of mind (which meant he wouldn’t, either). With doubt in its feasibility, Kylo told his mother of this idea. He was surprised when Leia immediately agreed. The challenge was getting the Republic committee to agree to this, and to find a midwife who would be willing to do so. But if they could pull this off, if they could get an experienced healer to care for Rey and the baby through the pregnancy and birth, then Kylo thought that they would be okay.

“I’m not losing another grandchild,” Leia said. “And we’re not losing Rey to this. I’ll get you a midwife, one way or another.”

He believed her. As strained as his relationship with his mother was, he finally found that he could begin to trust her again. He hoped that the trust went both ways.

* * *

It took nearly a month to have a midwife arrive on the planet. In that time, Kylo had taken to renovating a small shed behind their home into a second cottage for the midwife to live in. Prior to her arrival, they’d communicated with the midwife Leia personally selected. Her name was Bina, and she was a very kind and patient woman. She gave lots of advice to Rey and Kylo: no more swimming in hot springs because she shouldn’t have an elevated body temperature; make sure Rey naps and relaxes as much as she needs to, but also still gets exercise; eat healthier rations and avoid certain foods and drinks; and above all, Rey must stop panicking, because a high stress level can harm both mother and baby. While they knew quite a bit from the previous pregnancy, they still felt comforted to have advice from an experienced midwife.

Kylo found that Rey was much more relaxed ever since they started communicating with Bina. She didn’t cry herself to sleep anymore, and she seemed to feel more confident about the pregnancy. Kylo might have once felt envious that an outsider was able to calm Rey more than the person she was Force bonded to, but he felt relieved more than anything. Knowing that there was someone out there who would care for Rey and ensure that both she and their child would be safe and well. That was all he could ask for.

* * *

The end of the first trimester had Rey feeling more relief than she could imagine. Her morning sickness had finally tapered off, but it was now replaced with a sex drive so high from her change in hormones that even Kylo couldn’t keep up. It was in stark contrast to her first pregnancy, when her sex drive was next to nothing. Rey had a few laughs about it with Bina, but the midwife reassured her that it wasn’t uncommon and that there were worse symptoms of pregnancy.

One morning she woke Kylo to help relieve her insatiable need, perching atop him and setting her own pace, ordering him to remain still for her. He moved to massage her breasts -- something that normally had her moaning his name -- but she caught his wrists in vice-like grips, pausing in her movements. “No,” she said, moving his hands to her hips. When he looked at her in bleary-eyed confusion, she explained, “They’re really tender right now. Please don’t.”

She began to move again, sending jolts of pleasure throughout her entire body. She couldn’t get enough of him. Her ecstasy was amplified from feeling Kylo’s pleasure over the bond. This pleasure went both ways, and soon Kylo couldn’t keep still beneath her. He began to meet her movements halfway, and they both began moaning with the intensity of it all. It had been good before, yes, but it was at a whole new level now. Rey cried out Kylo’s name when she finally found her release, Kylo reaching his only moments after.

Rey collapsed beside him on the bed, panting and sweaty but feeling sated for the time being. Kylo moved so that he was propped up on an elbow on his side facing Rey. He placed his other hand on top of Rey’s small but growing baby bump, which was certainly more noticeable than it was at this stage in her first pregnancy.

As though sensing her train of thought, he gently began to stroke her belly with his thumb in soothing motions. “Have you tried connecting with them yet?” he asked.

“Not yet,” Rey said, biting her lip. She didn’t have to elaborate why. If the worst happened and she lost this baby, she didn’t want to forge a connection with it beyond what already existed. Sensing them through the Force would enable Rey to start getting to know her baby in a way that was much more personal. Once she surpassed the 23-week mark, Rey hoped that she would begin to relax. She hated that she had to distance herself from the life growing within her, but she had to protect herself first and foremost. At least Kylo understood this.

Kylo’s hand gently moved up to circle the edge of her breasts, which were noticeably larger than before. “Tender, hmm?” he asked. Rey had always had small breasts, but that had never bothered her. She’d had no interest in sex or men, not when every day was a struggle to survive. Now that she was pregnant again they had become larger and more sensitive. She was gaining more weight this time around; she had noticed that her face was becoming fuller and the spaces between her ribs had almost disappeared. She was comforted by this because it meant she was taking better care of her body, which meant she was taking better care of her baby.

“Yeah,” Rey said in a hushed voice, remembering the last time they had been this sore. It was the morning after she’d miscarried, and her breasts had tried to provide milk for a baby that was no longer there.

“Hey,” Kylo said, drawing Rey out of her dark memories. He moved his hand from her belly to her cheek, where he brushed a few strands of hair out of her face. “Don’t go there. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

“Am I going to be a good mother?” Rey asked suddenly. She knew so little about babies, only the general facts that she had read in her datapad. She knew little about raising children -- she’d pretty much had to raise herself, but somehow she didn’t think that counted towards anything.

Kylo looked truly aghast at her words. “Rey, how could you possibly doubt yourself? You are the kindest, most forgiving person I’ve ever met. Yet you are also firm in your morals and have a strong will. I think that if you can deal with me, you can handle raising a child.”

“That’s not the same, and you know it,” Rey said, eyes welling with tears. She knew this outburst was almost certainly from hormones, but that didn’t stop it from hurting any less.

“We’re in this together,” Kylo reassured her. He wiped the tears from her cheeks, even as more fell. “We still have 26 weeks to prepare for the baby. And don’t forget that we won’t have to go through this alone. We have Bina, remember? I’m sure she has wisdom to impart.” Rey noticed that he didn’t mention his mother as another resource; while he had nearly forgiven Leia for her lack of quality parenting, he still found it to be a sore subject that he was working through.

Rey moved so that her face was pressed into his chest, and he wrapped his arm around her in comfort. She wasn’t sure how she lucked into being bonded to such a man.

* * *

Something was off with Rey. That was what Kylo realized when he finished cleaning the fathier stalls right before lunchtime and Rey still hadn’t emerged from the cottage. At 24 weeks along, Rey’s anxiety that she might miscarry had finally started to ease up. Her back was aching and her legs were cramping, but it wasn’t bad enough yet to prevent her from getting out of bed. She had been complaining of a sore throat and sniffles the previous day, but they had chalked it up to allergies due to the change in seasons.

Kylo closed the fathier stall door and wiped the sweat from his brow, deciding to head back to the house to check on her. When he walked inside, it was as he suspected -- Rey was still in bed and had clearly not risen recently. She was fast asleep on her side, slightly drooling on her pillow from snoring. With a furrowed brow, he headed back outside and around the cottage to go find Bina.

Rey had a fever of 100.6, causing Kylo to panic slightly. Could this result in the loss of the baby? Bina assured him that the baby didn’t seem to be in any danger yet, and that there really was no cause for concern based on Rey’s symptoms. Rey had likely picked up a common cold virus from the last shipment of supplies since her immune system was weakened from pregnancy.

“Kylo?” Rey said, drawn from sleep. Kylo rushed to her side and reassured her that he was there. “I don’t feel good,” she replied with a pout.

Bina approached Rey’s bedside with some medicine to help clear out her sinuses. “Why don’t you sit up for a moment, Rey?” Bina asked gently. Kylo moved to try to help Rey sit up, but she had pulled herself into a sitting position before he could. Bina told Rey how to spray the medicine up her nose -- Rey doing so and then making a face that would have amused Kylo if he hadn’t been so worried about her -- and then told her to drink a lot of water and relax as much as she wanted to.

After downing an entire glass of water and then racing to relieve her bladder, Kylo tucked Rey back in and sat with her until she fell asleep.

* * *

Rey dreamed of her daughter. That’s what she thought, at least, until she realized that she was communicating across the Force connection between her and her unborn child. Her baby was warm and happy, and was calmed by listening to her parents’ soothing voices. As though recognizing that her mother was checking in on her through the Force, a rush of what Rey could only describe as love went through her. Rey woke with happy tears streaming down her face, not caring that she couldn’t breathe through her nose, or that her throat ached, or that her legs were cramping, or that she constantly had to pee, or that her back was sore. Her daughter was alive and strong, and Rey loved her very, very much.

“Rey?” Kylo’s worried voice came from the direction of the sitting area in front of the fireplace. It was dark in the room -- it must have been late. “Rey! Are you okay? Bina says your fever broke. How are you feeling?”

“Kylo,” Rey said, suddenly feeling more choked up. “We’re having a girl,” she said, grinning through the tears. “I just communicated with our daughter.”

In his shock, Kylo sank down onto the bed beside Rey’s legs. “What?” He asked in a distant voice.

“She can hear our voices. She’s comforted by them. She’s happy. She’s _strong_ ,” Rey felt like her heart was going to burst right out of her chest, such was her joy and relief. She wrapped her hand around Kylo’s wrist, bringing his hand to her belly. “Feel her.”

Kylo didn’t close his eyes when he reached out through the Force. He never did, not like Rey. After nearly a minute of silence and stillness, Rey watched a tear track down Kylo’s cheek. He met Rey’s eyes and gave her one of his dimpled smiles. They laced their fingers together and felt that, finally, they could relax. Rey didn’t know how she knew, but somehow she understood that this baby was going to be okay.

They spent the rest of the night speaking to the baby, connecting as a family for the first time.

* * *

The feeling of a soft hand tracing her belly and a low voice murmuring to her baby woke Rey early one morning. The rising sun was setting a warm glow on everything, making everything warm and comforting. Kylo was whispering something to their unborn daughter, connecting with her in a way that was outside of the Force. There was something to be said about one of the most feared individuals in the galaxy speaking to his pregnant lover’s belly. It was a softness that made Rey’s heart skip a beat.

Rey realized that it probably wasn’t Kylo that woke her, but their daughter, who was kicking along with Kylo’s gentle words and touches. A particularly good well-aimed kick had Kylo laughing quietly. He placed a lingering kiss on her 34-weeks-along bump.

“What are you two up to?” Rey asked in a rough, disused voice.

Kylo looked up, brushing some of his hair out of his eyes. “No good,” he promised, and crawled back up so that he was facing Rey. She had to tuck some of his lengthy hair behind his ears so that she could properly see his face.

“Why don’t you trim your hair?” she asked curiously. It had always been lengthy, but it had grown to be unruly since they were banished. Rey’s hair had already been cut above shoulder-length prior to arriving and had now reached the length it had been when she left Jakku.

Kylo cast his eyes downward and didn’t give an outright reply. At Rey’s poking and prodding, Kylo finally explained, “I’ve always had it long enough to cover my ears.”

“And now you want it long enough to cover your eyes?” Rey asked skeptically. She brushed back his hair so that she could place a kiss on the shell of his ear. A shiver went through Kylo at the intimate touch.

“I hope our daughter isn’t cursed with my ears,” Kylo grumbled.

Rey returned to her original position and furrowed her brow. He’d never voiced any kind of shyness about his appearance before, but now Rey was beginning to understand. He may have slightly unconventional looks, but Rey found them to be outright endearing. When she told him as much, Kylo scoffed.

“If I could find a way to hide my nose, I would.”

“Would you please stop?” Rey complained, shaking her head at him. “You are beautiful. Our daughter will be beautiful.”

“What do you think she will be like?” Kylo asked, meeting Rey’s eyes.

Rey suspected that he was purposefully changing the subject, but she decided to shelve the argument for later. She glanced down at her belly, which had gone still since Kylo stopped speaking to it. Was their daughter sleeping?

“I think she is going to be a wild one,” Rey said with a smile.

“She’ll be strong with the Force, knowing us,” Kylo suggested.

“But will use it for better, kinder reasons,” Rey said solemnly.

“She will be beautiful, just like her mother,” Kylo said gently, trailing his fingers along Rey’s cheek, trying to cheer her up.

“And brave, just like her father,” Rey replied in the same gentle tone.

“I can’t wait to meet her,” Kylo said, placing his hand on her bump; their daughter immediately responded, and they laughed as they watched a foot-shape press out Rey’s belly. Rey would never get over this.

It felt surreal to Rey that they only had six more weeks until her due date. After everything that had happened with her son, Rey was finally in a place where she could be excited about her baby. They may have been exiled for their crimes against the galaxy, but Rey had never felt so loved.

* * *

“What do you mean, we’re out of buckwheat noodles?” Rey asked in a dangerous voice.

Rey had watched Kylo take apart their pantry in search of more noodles to make Rey for dinner, but he was coming up empty; she even made him double check the storage building where they kept their extra supplies from shipments, but there were none there, either.

“I’m sorry, Rey. I think you ate them all. I’ll make sure they bring you some during the next shipment,” Kylo said.

“I don’t want them then, I want them _now_ ,” Rey snapped, frustrated. She felt awful and she was starving, but only noodles sounded good. She stalked over to the cabinets, searching herself for any elusive noodle boxes, or to see if anything else might strike her fancy.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Kylo said, unsure how to appease his angry, pregnant, Force-bonded partner. “I’d be happy to make you something else.”

Rey’s temper snapped, which resulted in her bursting into tears. Between hormones, lack of sleep, discomfort, back pain, practice contractions, and many other little pregnant annoyances, Rey felt like an absolute mess. She was forty weeks along and due any day, and felt positively miserable. She just wanted it to all be over so that she could hold her daughter in her arms.

Kylo wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into his side. He pressed his lips to her temple and murmured, “There’s one other thing I have that I think you will like to eat. I was going to save it for after the baby joined us, but perhaps you need it more now.”

What he brought her was a sweet treat that was quite possibly the most delicious thing Rey had ever eaten -- effectively making her forget that she had ever wanted noodles. She was skeptical at first, but the moment she placed a spoonful of it to her mouth, she was obsessed. It was frozen and creamy, and had bits of Rey’s favorite fruit blended in.

Rey consumed it so quickly that her head started to ache. “Whoa, what?” she complained, pressing her hand to her head as though it could help erase the pain.

Kylo gave a quick, short laugh. “Oh yeah. Eating frozen food that quickly does that. It’ll go away soon. Just eat it slower next time and you’ll be fine.”

Rey set the empty bowl on her belly. It amused her greatly to use her bump as a table. She and Kylo had made a game of balancing things on it one quiet evening when they were bored. Sometimes the object would move or topple off her belly when the baby decided to move around.

The empty bowl went flying to the floor when the baby performed a particularly well-placed kick, causing Rey to squawk in shock at both the physical feeling of the kick and the resulting action of it. Rey and Kylo sat blinking in surprise. “Did the baby--” “What the--” they both started at the same time. The met each other’s eyes and burst into laughter.

“She either really loved that food or really hated it,” Rey giggled hysterically.

“Either way, I think we’ve got a fighter on our hands,” Kylo said, mirth coating his words. Rey thought that truer words had never been spoken.

* * *

“Are you sure you want to be out here?” Kylo asked from somewhere behind her. Rey was leaning against the back of the cottage and working through a contraction. She had already been in labor for twelve hours, but Bina said she was not close to being ready for birth. Bina was currently in the cottage preparing it for the baby’s birth.

Rey was hot. It felt like her entire body was flushed, and the inside of the cottage felt stifling to her. She needed to feel the outside air for a while. A storm was brewing; the sky was overcast, dark clouds blanketing the area. A gust of wind rippled through the grass, causing it to hiss and sway. Instead of replying, Rey set out towards the moor where she went to think.

She could hear Kylo behind her, trying to find a way to convince her to go back inside. Rey had weathered many storms before, both on Jakku (though those were primarily sand storms) and on this planet. She knew she had a while before it would start to pour down rain. Until then, she would take in the wild planet around her and use it to guide her through contractions.

Rey only went back inside the cottage once Bina called her in. It had started to drizzle rain, and Rey knew that the downpour would happen soon enough. Kylo helped her up from where she had been kneeling in the grass, wrapping a comforting arm around her and guiding her back to their home.

“Do you need anything?” Kylo asked Rey once they were settled inside. Bina had placed liquid-proof bedding down on and around their bed, in case Rey decided to move around during the actual birth.

“I need this baby to get out of me,” Rey snapped. She was so tired. The contractions were still spaced far enough apart that she could catch tiny naps between them. Bina encouraged her to do so, because it was looking like it would be a while yet before she would be ready to start pushing. It was still a bit stifling in the cottage, so Kylo and Bina opened all of the windows; if the wind shifted the rain towards the inside of the cottage, Kylo deflected the droplets from entering the house using the Force.

Rey stripped out of her gown down to her nursing band and underwear, and then settled onto her side on the bed, trying to find a comfortable position to nap in. She was unsuccessful until Kylo joined her, allowing her to drape her leg and arm across him. Listening to the storm outside and Kylo’s gentle breathing had Rey out in a matter of seconds.

Her naps happened sporadically over the following hours, Kylo and Bina grabbing naps when they could get them as well. Bina made sure that both Rey and Kylo kept drinking and eating; Rey was using up such an enormous amount of energy for birth that she needed the calories, and Kylo needed to avoid passing out from dehydration during his child’s birth.

Finally, over twenty-seven hours into labor, Rey reached the transition stage. An hour after that, their daughter was caught by the loving hands of her father and placed onto Rey’s chest. “It’s a girl,” Bina said excitedly, to which Kylo and Rey replied in unison, “We know!”

It was a wonder who was crying more -- the baby or Rey. Rey thought that her daughter’s cries were the most beautiful sounds in the world. She knew she was pretty much sobbing, holding on to her baby like her life depended on it. She was here. She was really here. Rey was holding her living, breathing daughter in her arms.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but the placenta was delivered and I just need to press on your belly. It’s not going to feel good,” Bina warned. Kylo helped Rey lift the baby further up her chest so that Bina had better access to Rey. As Bina promised, it was extraordinarily painful, and Rey tried to focus on the precious human in her arms instead.

Rey reluctantly allowed Bina to take the baby a few minutes later so that she could do some basic checks on her and clean her up a bit. To Rey’s immense relief, Bina said that she was in full health. “Here’s your rainbow baby,” Bina said sweetly, returning Rey’s daughter to her chest.

“Rainbow baby?” Rey asked curiously, all of her focus zeroing in on the infant.

Bina rubbed Rey’s shoulder, soothing her and reminding her that she had her support. “A rainbow baby is one born after a miscarriage or stillbirth. Beauty after a storm,” Bina told her. Rey looked over at her friend and smiled, not fighting the tears that fell from her eyes. Bina gently squeezed Rey’s arm and said, “I’ll let you guys bond for a few minutes. I will be back shortly to help you nurse her.”

Once Bina left the cottage, Rey’s focus returned solely to the tiny newborn. “It’s so nice to meet you face-to-face, my rainbow baby,” Rey cooed. The baby reached out a hand and placed it on her face, causing Rey’s joyful weeping to be renewed. Her daughter was safe in her arms and there was nothing else she could ask for.

* * *

Rey didn’t remember falling asleep, but the next thing she became aware of was bone-deep exhaustion, pain from childbirth, and her baby missing from her arms. She never had an opportunity to worry because upon opening her eyes, she saw that Kylo was sitting in a rocking chair at the foot of the bed with the baby pressed against his bare chest.

“What are you up to?” Rey asked with a soft smile.

Kylo looked up and met her eyes. “Bonding. Bina said that a baby having skin-to-skin contact with their father was good for them.” Even if it hadn’t benefited the baby, it certainly benefited Rey to see Kylo pressing their tiny daughter ( _how could a person be so small?_ ) to his chest. She wasn’t sure she’d ever felt more in love with him.

A thoughtful expression crossed his face. After a few moments of silence, Kylo said, “I never imagined that I could have this.”

Rey’s face scrunched up in confusion. “Have what?”

“A child. Someone who loves me. Someone to love,” he said, and met Rey’s eyes. Rey felt her heart break for him. He continued, “When you walked into my life -- when the Force brought us together -- I began, against my better judgement, to feel hope. When you joined me, _me,_ and not the First Order, even though you were still loyal to your friends, that hope grew bigger. And when you decided to keep our first -- well. It wasn’t until we arrived here that I found true happiness and hope. Thank you, Rey. For everything.”

Rey was crying again. The post-birth hormones were wildly impacting her emotions, making her feel things at an extraordinary level. This speech would have had her shedding tears on a normal day, but hours after giving birth, Rey found herself fighting sobs. “I love you,” she said in a wobbly voice, scrubbing at the falling tears.

Kylo stood and walked over to their bed, still cradling the baby as he sat beside her. “I love you, too,” he said, placing a lingering kiss on the top of her head. She leaned against his side and gazed at their daughter until her tears stopped. Kylo’s thumb moved in gentle soothing circles on the baby’s skin. “She looks like you,” he commented. It was true. A lot of her features were like Rey’s own. Rey thought she could see some of Kylo in the shape of her eyes and mouth.

“She’s perfect,” was all Rey could say. Her eyes were beginning to flutter shut, her body still worn from the long labor. She slipped into a dreamless sleep, feeling more content than she had in her entire life.

* * *

They named her Aloy. She was _everything_. She had their whole hearts without even trying. Kylo didn’t know that he was capable of feeling so much love for one person, not even the person who he was bonded to through the Force. Rey never complained that she bled for a few weeks after the birth or that her nipples felt painful whenever she fed Aloy. Even when she got mastitis, she didn’t spend her time complaining about it, only worrying that she would be able to feed her daughter. They didn’t care that they were perpetually sleep deprived or that they were constantly changing diapers and being spit up on. They wouldn’t trade it for the entire galaxy.

Once Rey had recovered enough to feel presentable, they spoke with Leia via holovid. His mother was just as smitten with Aloy as they had expected, and she cursed them for having her grandchild while they were still sentenced to isolation. “We will endeavor to avoid having another until you are allowed to visit your grandbaby in person,” Rey said dryly, resulting in Kylo and Leia blinking at her before erupting into laughter. From the way Leia kept looking at him, Kylo wondered if this was the most his mother had seen him laugh and smile since he was a child. The thought made his chest ache. He would not allow Aloy to share his experience.

Kylo had learned the tells of when Aloy was about to cry for reasons other than hunger, especially in the early hours of the morning. Sometimes the only way to stop her crying was for him to hold her against his chest until she drifted back to sleep. This continued on for months. He brought this up one day when he was communicating with his mother. “She won’t stop crying. We’re doing everything we can think of and the only thing that seems to make her relax is when I hold her against my chest.”

Leia placed her hand over her heart. The look on her face had Kylo concerned for a moment. Just as he was about to ask whether she was okay or not, she said, “That’s how you were with your father.”

Kylo felt the world tilt beneath him. He was glad he was already sitting down. “W-what?” he sputtered.

“You would cry endlessly. You wouldn’t even stop when I held you. You would be screaming your lungs out, and as soon as your father took you into his arms and held you against his chest, you would go quiet. He waited until you stopped that phase before he left for any extended periods of time,” Leia chuckled, looking down offscreen.

He’d talked with his mother about what he did to Han Solo before he was sent to this planet. He’d also spoken with a counselor to help him properly process everything that led up to and resulted from Han’s death (at Rey’s insistence and Leia’s suggestion). While Kylo would never forgive himself for his crime against his father, his mother seemed to be trying to move past it. That was all he could ever hope for.

Every one of Aloy’s milestones were celebrated: when she first cooed, lifted her head on her own, smiled, rolled over, babbled, and laughed. Every sign that their daughter was alive and strong and healthy helped Rey and Kylo relax.

“What kind of trouble would you like to get into today, Aloy?” Kylo asked her one quiet afternoon. Rey was taking a turn cleaning out the fathier barn, so Kylo was tasked with watching their daughter. Aloy looked at him from where she was sitting propped up against pillows on their bed and smiled. Her smile broke Kylo’s heart in the best way.

Deciding that he should at least be somewhat useful, he took a broom and began to swipe cobwebs and dust from the rafters of their little cottage, making sure to do so far away from Aloy. This resulted in him sneezing from the dust; he made a dramatic sound during one particular sneeze, and a delightful laugh came from the bed. He stared, stunned, at Aloy. It was her first belly laugh. He replicated the noise to the best of his ability, and Aloy laughed again.

Kylo opened up the bond and told Rey, _Aloy’s laughing! She’s laughing, come quick!_

He felt Rey’s excitement and then shut off the bond, refocusing on Aloy. She sat waiting for him to amuse her again. “That’s how it is, huh?” he asked. He repeated the noise and Aloy burst into laughter again, stuffing a fist into her mouth and rocking forward and backward in joy. Kylo decided that this was his favorite sound in the world.

Rey walked in right as Kylo was making the sound again, squealing the moment she heard Aloy’s belly laugh. “Again, again!” Rey demanded, smacking Kylo on the shoulder in excitement. He gave her a funny look that said, _Who’s the child?_ He made the noise again, Aloy laughed again, and then Rey dropped to her knees from laughter. Tears of mirth were gathering at the corner of her eyes while her daughter continued to laugh and Kylo continued to embarrass himself by making a silly sound.

“Oh, you think daddy is so funny, don’t you?” Rey asked. “You silly, silly, precious girl,” Rey cooed, grinning from ear to ear. “Look how red her cheeks are!” Indeed, Aloy’s cheeks were a rosy red from all of the laughter.

From then on, Rey and Kylo did everything they could think of to make Aloy belly laugh. If anyone had been watching in on them, they would find two of the galaxy’s most feared enemies making fools of themselves through silly noises, faces, and behaviors just to hear their baby’s joyous laughter. It was a sound that brightened and mended their worn and broken souls.

* * *

“She’s teething,” Bina informed them in the early hours one morning. Rey and Kylo had not gotten a wink of sleep due to Aloy’s wailing; when Rey realized that Aloy had a fever, she immediately sought out her friend and medic.

“Is there anything we can do to help her?” Rey asked, biting at her nail bed. Hearing her daughter’s desperate cries of pain made Rey’s heart hurt. She just wanted her baby to feel better.

“I just so happened to order some teething supplies and pain relief in the last supply shipment,” Bina informed her. “I had a feeling we would be needing it any day now.” After Bina helped to administer the medicine and showed them tricks to help sooth Aloy’s painful gums, Rey ordered Kylo to try to sleep for a while. He protested, but in the end his exhaustion and Rey’s determination won out. He was quietly snoring only moments after his head hit the pillow.

“Why don’t we go for a walk?” She asked Aloy, who had finally worn herself out crying. Rey strapped to her chest with the wrap carrier, grabbed a flashlight and a blanket, and headed out. Aloy’s cheek rested on Rey’s chest, so Rey placed a gentle kiss to the crown of her head. “Where should we go, little love? The night is beautiful.”

She decided against the lake; she wasn’t sure she would have the energy for the return hike uphill. Rey tilted her head back and smiled. “Why don’t we stargaze for a while?” She asked Aloy, who was tugging on the edge of Rey’s shirt with a tired hand. Rey clicked on the flashlight and headed to the moor, laying out the blanket on the soft grass. She gently sat down and returned her gaze to the sky.

“Your papa and I used to stargaze a lot before you were born. He used to show me different star patterns and tell me their stories,” Rey explained to Aloy, who was nuzzling sleepily against her. “I think he was making most of them up,” Rey whispered conspiratorially. They sat there for another hour, Aloy finally falling asleep and Rey simply taking in the symphony of night insectoid and bird calls. Just as her eyelids began to feel heavy, Kylo woke and urged Rey to take her turn sleeping over the bond.

* * *

“She needs to stop growing!” Rey pouted when Bina finished her checkup on Aloy.

“We certainly don’t want that,” Bina admonished, but winked at Rey to signal that she got her meaning. “They definitely grow up fast. I can’t believe she’s been here for nine months!”

“And I can’t believe you’re leaving us.” Rey was positively heartbroken that her friend was leaving soon. With Aloy meeting all of the important milestones and being perfectly healthy, eating a good balance of solid food and breastmilk, and with Rey having no health problems, Bina decided that she was no longer needed.

Bina squeezed Rey’s hand. “I know. I will miss you. Just remember that I will be back at hyperspeed if you all truly need me. Or if you need my skills for a younger sibling,” she chuckled.

“Nope! No, I think we’re good for a while,” Rey replied strongly and immediately, looking at her squirming, babbling daughter in her lap. They both burst into a fit of giggles.

“Besides, you won’t be here forever,” Bina reminded her. “We can visit each other once your sentence is up here.”

“We better,” Rey said, fighting the lump forming in her throat. Bina wasn’t leaving for another week, so Rey felt a bit silly getting this emotional so soon. She had truly grown to care for the medic and midwife, but her services were needed elsewhere in the galaxy. Rey had to let her go.

* * *

“Come on baby!” - “You can do it!” - “Go to mama!” Rey, Bina, and Kylo encouraged. Rey was squatting on the floor of the cottage with her arms outstretched, Bina standing beside her like a cheerleader. Kylo was a few feet away, bending down so that he was lightly holding on to Aloy’s hands while she tried to balance herself. Aloy took a tentative step, then another, grinning from ear to ear and showing her adorable teeth.

“Come on my love!” Rey encouraged, motioning Aloy closer with her hands. Aloy rocked forward for a moment, pausing to regain her balance. Kylo followed closely behind, prepared to grab her if necessary. Aloy persevered, taking step after step on her own until she reached Rey’s arms. Everyone erupted into cheers. Rey lunged forward and kissed all over Aloy’s face, tickling her sides and grinning with pride.

Bina squatted down beside Aloy and said, “Did you learn to walk just in time for me to go? Are you trying to tell me to stay?” Aloy took a couple of steps into Bina’s arms. Bina picked her up and placed her on her hip. “Oh, I wish I could watch you grow up. But it’s time for me to go help other mamas and babies, okay?”

“We sure will miss you,” Rey said, standing up beside her. “I hope you’re available in,” Rey paused, counting, “23 months. Wow, Aloy will nearly be three by the time you see her again.”

“Nooo,” Bina groaned, resting her cheek on Aloy’s head. “Well. I’ll tell you what. I will give you my holovid contact so that we can talk, even if it’s not exactly face-to-face. I want to see Aloy before she’s all grown up.” Bina said. “I know it’s not exactly allowed, but I won’t tell if you won’t.” Bina handed Aloy to Kylo, who put Aloy back on the ground and held her hand while she explored the cottage on her wobbly feet.

Rey and Bina left to go on one last fathier ride together. By the time they returned from their ride, the supply ship -- Bina’s ride offworld -- was descending. Kylo had placed all of Bina’s packed bags near the landing area, so all that was left to do was say goodbye. While Kylo helped unload their supplies and load Bina’s bags on the ship, Rey held a tired Aloy on her hip and exchanged a few tearful words with the woman who had kept her from breaking during pregnancy.

Right in the middle of a particularly bittersweet goodbye speech, Aloy grabbed ahold of Rey’s top and began to yank it to the side so she could nurse. Rey quickly turned so that she wasn’t exposed to the supply ship staff while Aloy latched. Once Aloy had latched on, Rey turned back to Bina and they guffawed with laughter.

“Thank you for stopping us from getting too sad,” Bina said to Aloy, who ignored her and gazed up sleepily at Rey. “But it looks like they’re ready for me to go.” One last hug and Bina was heading up the ship’s loading ramp, waving goodbye to Rey, Kylo, and Aloy. Kylo wrapped an arm around Rey; she managed to hold off her crying until the ship was taking off. Once it was disappearing into the atmosphere, Rey broke down into sobs.

“It’s not goodbye forever,” Kylo reminded her gently, pressing a kiss to the crown of Rey’s head. He opened his side of the bond, sending some emotional comfort across it.

Rey was finally able to relax, letting him know across the bond, _I don’t know what I would do without you_.

 _Oh, you would manage,_ he said, a gentle smile on his face. Then he voiced aloud, “Come on girls. We got new rations, which means we have more tasty food to eat. Let me make you some dinner.” They walked together back to the cottage, truly alone as a family for the first time.

* * *

The next two years went by faster than Rey or Kylo could have anticipated. They treasured every moment with Aloy: her first word at nine and a half months (‘dada’), her first real experience with rain at eleven months, where she screeched with joy and tried catching it in her tiny fists; cuddling with her every morning in bed under a warm pile of blankets; going on excursions and adventures in the wilderness; singing and dancing to nursery rhymes while Aloy clapped and giggled and danced; teaching Aloy her alphabet and how to count.

It truly astonished Rey how brilliant Aloy was. At two years eight months old, she could reply in full sentences, sometimes with answers she could never anticipate (though pronunciation was still being learned). She knew how to work the basics of datapads and was in the process of potty training. Bina messaged in as often as she could, enough so that Aloy still recognized her. Yes, Aloy had tantrums, and yes, Rey found herself at wit’s end at least once a day, but she would not trade what she had for the entire galaxy.

The transport ship was set to arrive the following day, and both Rey and Kylo were feeling very bittersweet emotions. They’d set the two fathier mares free that afternoon, making the looming departure so much more real. This planet, this cottage, this _place_ had been their home for the last five years. They had roots here. This was where they healed from the loss of their son, where they found peace. This was where they started their family and raised their daughter. This is where they felt free.

Now they would be tied to the Republic, doing their bidding and remaining in their service for another five years. But after that? _True_ freedom. No ties, no obligations, just Rey, Kylo, and Aloy, free to come and go as they pleased.

“What do you think about coming back here once the five years are up?” Kylo asked, taking a bite of the skycorn they had recently harvested.

Rey smiled. “I would like that, I think,” she said. She looked at Aloy and asked, “What do you think, little love? Would you like to come back here when your papa and I are finished serving the Republic?”

“I don’t wanna go!” she said, pouting into her food.

“I know. We don’t want to, either, but we have no choice. I promise we’ll come back, probably before the five years are up!” Rey said, trying to sound positive.

“Don’t wanna go!” Aloy wailed dramatically, falling sideways in her chair and draping over the edge. When Rey tried to comfort her and rub her back, Aloy screeched, “Noooo!” and squirmed out of her chair, running out of Rey’s reach.

Rey sighed heavily, about ready to go discipline Aloy for her behavior. She knew Aloy was just afraid of change, but she couldn’t let this behavior slide.

“I’ve got it,” Kylo said, placing a hand on top of Rey’s. He slid his chair back and disappeared around the corner after Aloy.

Rey didn’t admit it out loud, but she was scared, too. She didn’t know what the future would hold, or what kind of tasks the Republic would have Rey and Kylo do. If nothing else, at least she would be able to see her friends and Leia again. She only hoped that would be enough. She only hoped that they had forgiven her.

* * *

Aloy stared wide-eyed up at Leia from behind Kylo’s leg. Leia was smiling patiently down at her granddaughter, eager to meet her for the first time. Aloy, despite recognizing Leia from holovid conversations, still seemed frightened by the sight of her grandmother.

“Don’t you recognize your granny?” Rey asked, squatting down beside Aloy. “She’s your papa’s mother. She’s been waiting almost three years to meet you. Don’t you want to say hi? I bet she has something for you.”

“Present?” Aloy asked suspiciously, but with interest.

Leia snorted a laugh. “You guys have spoiled her rotten.” Nonetheless, she pulled out a soft toy fathier from beneath her robe and offered it to Aloy. Aloy’s eyes widened, this time in excitement, and she slowly stepped out around her father’s legs. Leia bent down and spoke gently, “It’s so very lovely to meet you in person, Aloy.”

“Thank you,” Aloy said quietly, taking the plush toy from Leia’s hand and holding it to her chest.

Finn raised a hand and said, “If all of us have to bring a present to meet Aloy, then I’ve got to go run an errand.” Rey giggled, and Finn winked at her. Somehow, some way, Rey knew that things would be okay.

* * *

“She’s finally asleep,” Kylo said, slipping under the covers next to Rey.

“How many times did she make you read _The Three Tooka Kittens_ this time?” Rey asked, quirking a brow.

Kylo sighed heavily, as though he knew Rey was silently judging him (in the best kind of way) for being such a pushover with their almost-four-year-old. “Four times,” he grumbled.

Rey grinned at him and said, “Awww. You’re such a good dad.”

Kylo rolled his eyes. “I know, I know.”

“Good,” Rey replied, and bit her lip. Suddenly she felt like she was going to throw up from nerves. He looked up at her and furrowed his brow, trying to ask her what was wrong across the bond. She firmly kept her mind closed -- she didn’t want him finding out that way.

“Rey?” Kylo asked, sitting up. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” Rey reassured him. “It’s just…” She paused again, trying to phrase her next sentence the right way. “You’re happy, right? With us?”

Now Kylo looked alarmed. “Rey, what is going on? Of _course_ I’m happy with us. I love you and Aloy more than anything in the entire galaxy. Our family is the best thing in my life.”

Rey bit her lip and nodded. “Good. Because I’m pregnant again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might add on more in the future, I have a couple of ideas.... xoxo
> 
> (Chapter title from the song 'Rainbow' by Kesha.)


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